We assumed that you have already chose a proper holster, mag pouch (or suitable combination of substitutes) and cover garment and played dress-up in front of a mirror a couple of hundred times. But now, it is time to go live in the real world. It is time for you to go to WalMart!
1) You must park your vehicle at least 50 yards from the entrance of a regular WallyWorld (75 yards for a SuperCenter.) As you head for the entrance, you must perform a scan of the area including checking under parked vehicles for BG’s (Bad Guys.) Remember, grandma in an electric wheelchair is not a drive-by threat.
1A). Upon exiting car, surrepititiously adjust sidearm. Now don't touch it again unless your pants are about to fall off. Then tighten your belt.
2) You MUST drive the shopping cart. No substitutes are allowed. Negotiating aisles full of screaming kids dropping cans of Chef Boyardee while Mom is on the cell phone and trying the latest Rosie O’Donnell Makeup & Fragrances is a good test of patience and self-control.
3) No quickies! Your stay at WallyWorld must last no less than 45 minutes. You can hang out in automotive and even double check the Rapala lures to see what’s new to kill an allotted rest time of 10 minutes. The rest of the time you must be on the move. An exception is made if you are with your significant other and she goes for the White Sale madness. You must park, wait and be ready to back your mate if things get hairy with the pillow throws or allergenic bedspreads.
4) You are gonna buy stuff so pick items from the top and bottom shelves to test your cover garment. Your mate can assist you and point out any deficiencies. If you are alone and store security or the cops have not arrived by the time you check out, you passed this test.
5) Check out: make sure you choose the busiest register. People will stand in close proximity and you must bear it with patience and avoiding contact. Beware of the people suddenly remembering a forgotten item and sending their mates to fetch it. They usually will brush against you on the way to get it.
6) Meal Time! If your WallyWorld serves Nachos, go ahead and get yourself a big serving of the suckers and wash it down with a Sam’s cola. If McD’s is the choice at the premises, get fries, onion rings, apple pie and a large Coke. ALL MEALS MUST BE CONSUMED ON SITE! No To-Go’s or you will be disqualified.
7) When you leave, repeat the scanning of the parking lot. Remember that now you are also dealing with a shopping cart that rattles like and old train and wants to go right all the time. Do not lose track of your surroundings because of this. If you have a car, open the trunk and introduce all your bags while facing outwards. Pick up Trucks: lower the tailgate and do the same. Keep scanning, you never know where the BG’s might be.
9) - Make test fall on floor in busiest area - near register or anywhere crowded. See if concealment can still be maintained. If you lose that then go back to GO and do NOT collect $200
10) Restroom break (even if you don't have to go), go through the motions, figure out what your going to do with your gun, while sitting on the commode.
And speaking of public restrooms:
What NOT to do while in a public restroom stall
1. Do not play through different scenarios. Your sudden shout of, "Freeze, dirtbag." may cause the guy in the next stall to prematurely evacuate.
2. Do not hang your weapon by the trigger guard on the coat rack.
3. Do not lay your weapon in the crotch of your underwear - you know where that underwear has been.
4. Do not lay your weapon on the tank of the toilet. When you get up, enough movement will be generated to cause it to fall in.
5. Do not fiddle with your gun, ah, I mean your weapon, ah, I mean your piece, I mean... - aw, Hell - you know what I mean.
Just did another Wally Walk today. guess Minnesota Walmart people aren't used to people buying more than one caliber of ammo at time, it was only 3 calibers, I don't see the problem, though they looked confused
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