Actually I lied, I said "no arrests" but I meant no convictions.
Got a speeding ticket when I was a kid, and then got a ticket for letting an unlicensed driver drive, even after he had showed me his license, which it turned out he wasn't supposed to have but the DMV had made and error and issued it anyway and I still don't know how I was supposed to know the difference.
Arrest #1: I was sitting in a diner in Nassau NY with some friends, celebrating a string of wins at the nearby drag strip (Lebanon Valley) and decided to make a run up the street to get Paul. Between the diner and the stoplight in the center of the village, about 1/4 mile, I get stopped for "over 50" in a 30 zone, by a local cop with a reputation for being somewhat hard on teenagers, particularly drag racers.
The officer decides that I am eligible for "immediate arraignment" which means that he feels that my offenses are enough to warrant a night in jail or more, this is really an arrest, not just a ticket. And off we go to the Justice of the Peace's house.
Hizzonner asks me how I plead, at which juncture I point out the window at my wreck of a '58 Plymouth wagon - white over rust with duct tape holding the fender in place, in other words it looks like a teenager's ride, but not like a dragster, which is what would be required to get to 50 and back to a stop in 1/4 of a mile, along with burning rubber for a good distance (disturbing the peace and disorderly conduct) and a variety of other stuff thata I was "charged" with. I point out the window at my parents' second car, the only one they trust me with, and ask hizzonner if he really thought that car could do what the officer said it would.
The JoP dropped all the charges with a kind of apology for the overenthusiastic enforcement of the officer, although he opined that I might have been going a little over the limit and might have should have been ticketed for that, but after all...
I got out of there quick, back to the diner and gathered up my pit crew and off to home.
BTW, that car, when race tuned, which it still was, could do 50 and back to a stop in a 1/4 mile easy. I loved that 318 Golden Commando engine.
Fast forward a few years, and no tickets in the interim, to Newport RI, where I have just helped a friend jump start his car. The cops stop me for displaying a "blue light" which was a mistake to be sure, but an honest one (I was a volunteer fireman in NY state and eligible to possess one, and had used it as a warning light on the dark street we were on, perfectly legal if we were sitting still.)
The cops smell beer on me and ask me to accompany them, driving my own car, to the police station. After we arrive they inform me that I am considered DUI and that they will not be allowing me to drive my car back to the base, and that I should take any items of value out as cars parked in front of the police station frequently get broken into.
So I go out and get: My guitar; my cameras; my 16 gauge double barrel shotgun; and my Remington Nylon 66 .22 and turn them over to the desk sergeant. I am given receipts and told I will be able to pick them up anytime. I am also TOLD that I will need to be in court on Saturday morning (talk about ruining my weekend, I ended up married as a result) to answer for various charges.
The next day I go down to the police station to pick up my car and stuff, only to be told that I can't have the guns back because they were being carried in violation of RI law, to wit, they had to be transported broken down and these had not been. When I protested I was referred to "THE DETECTIVES" upstairs.
When I walked into the detectives' office, I had my P-Coat draped over my left arm, covering my rate and rating, and one detective was heard to remark, in a stage whisper, that I didn't look like I should own guns. An interesting comment in light of the fact that I was a GUNNER'S MATE in the US Navy and had access to guns on my ship that could plant a round of HE right in the middle of their office from where she was moored.
I was again informed that my guns were forfeit because I had been etc, etc, etc. And besides, there was nowhere around to shoot them, an interesting statement in light of the FACT that I had been shooting at the base's indoor range that afternoon, and had been shooting some informal trap with my double a couple of days before, also on base.
Bewildered, I returned with my car, guitar, and cameras, to my ship. And then I remembered a friendly JAG Corps type who I had guided on a tour of the ship one time, and who had told me that if I ever needed help I should contact him. So I did.
We drew up a list of 13 separate charges against the City of Newport Police Dept, and more against the various officers and detectives involved, and marched into the Chief's office with it.
My guns were returned.
I went to court on Saturday, and eventually was the last person in the room besides the clerk and the judge, and they couldn't find any charges against me, so we all decided that there must have been an error and there were no such charges.
As a result of staying in Newport an extra night, the girl I was supposed to have dates with on both Friday and Saturday nights met another guy, and stood me up, so I went to a buddy's house and met his sister, and eventually married her and had a great 23 years until she passed away. I never would have met her that night if the Newport Police didn't have a nasty attitude about sailors.
BTW, in the Chief's office, I showed him the forearm from the double, without which it falls apart when opened, and which I had left in the car when I turned the other two parts in to the desk sergeant who had joined them together. I also showed the cocking handle and magazine follower form the .22 which would have made it a little hard to use. The chief agreed with me and the LtCmdr that the guns were about as broken down as was possible.
It took the Newport Police a couple of hours to find my guns, which I have no doubt had already gone home with someone.
Since then, 1969, I have had one ticket, in a Plymouth Horizon running on three cylinders, for 76 in a 55, and which was "convicted" with a fine of $20.00 but no mark ever showed up on my license and no record ever showed up in the DMV (It's handy having a friend who works there who can check on things.)
I alos got stopped at 2am in a drunk sweep, but I had not been drinking so I got a warning for a license plate light out and went on my way.