How many times have I heard "Pictures, or it didn't happen" on this forum?
First off, I am not certified in any way shape or form to offer marital or parenting advice. My comments are offered strictly for entertainment purposes only!
I have the exact same problem (only my kids are a little older). We finally had the discussion several times about expectations and reality. It wasn't a conversation we just had in passing, I scheduled time when the kids weren't around and we weren't doing dishes etc to sit down and really talk about the problem. I wanted to hear her side of the story and for her to understand how much being part of the family means to me and that I do want to help out but that something else needed to occur.
It didn't make her happy, but the reality is I have a job I have to keep It's also generally not possible to have me drop what I'm doing and leave since I have other pre-scheduled obligations.
So, with as much empathy as I could muster I acknowledged the difficulty of taking care of young children with no support and the challenges it presents. She did at least seem to understand the unrealistic expectation she was setting with regards to this incident.
The compromise we came up with is that she tries to give me at least 4 hours notice if there is a schedule change and I'm more open about my work schedule with her so she knows when I can be flexible and when I can't.
We also started a gmail calendar which she puts family activities on so I get meeting planners at work that I can schedule around. Since they end up in my work calendar they also come up on my phone so I'm more likely to actually make it to family events.
She still thinks its ridiculous that I can't remember all the things she tells me while we're washing dishes, weeding, painting, cleaning, playing with the kids, whatever it is we're doing. Now that the calendar has been in place for a while its working out better for both of us, since I put system upgrades and business trips on there for her benefit as well.
This is what has worked for us... The only thing I have learned in my short 16 years of marriage is that you have to talk about it (with her, not your buddies) or it will only get worse.