Pope Joke.

Discussion in 'XDTalk Chatter Box' started by XD-Generate, Feb 25, 2011.

  1. XD-Generate

    XD-Generate XDTalk 3K Member

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    The Pope and Obama are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.

    The Pope leans towards Mr. Obama and says, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"

    Obama replied, "I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand....Show me!"

    So the Pope backhanded him and knocked him off the stage!

    AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY!

    Thought you guys might like that.
     
  2. blind_hunter

    blind_hunter XDTalk 100 Member

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    Nice. Forwarding to my joke list now...
     
  3. jmichna

    jmichna XDTalk 20K Member Founding Member

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    The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains of Alaska for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. A helpless Liberal, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Save the Whales" hat, and a "Bush Lied, People Died" T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically and thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly.

    As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Conservative oil field workers came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Liberal from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three oil field workers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Liberal in the back seat.

    As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I heard there was a bitter hatred between Conservative oil field workers and Liberal Environmental activists but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."

    As the Pope drove off, one of the oilmen asked his buddies "Who was that guy?"

    "It was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with heaven and has access to all wisdom."

    "Well," the oilman said, "he may have access to all wisdom but he sure don't know jack$hit about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to Illinois and get another one?"
     
  4. chameleon

    chameleon XDTalk 4K Member

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    I kind of thought the pope was going to give O' the finger.
     
  5. Creature

    Creature XDTalk 100 Member

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    Both good ones!
     
  6. w0ady

    w0ady XDTalk 1K Member

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    haha liked them both.
     
  7. Brawndo

    Brawndo XDTalk 100 Member

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    Father Ian and Father Paul took a fishing trip. Father Paul got a huge bite and fought the fish into the boat. Father Paul had never seen this type of fish and asked Father Ian if he had, to which Ian replied, "yeah, that a 'sunovabich', very rare." The two priests, happy with their catch headed back to the parish. Neither of them knew how to clean a fish, so sister Catherine helped them. When they realized how many filets they got from their catch, they invited the pope over. When he accepted, sister Kate got busy cooking the meal. The pope arrived and enjoyed the meal, afterwards, he asked a out the fish. Father Ian explained, "well, Father Ian caught the sunovabich, sister catherine cleaned the sunovabich, and sister Kate cooked the sonovabich.". The pope paused, "you mother fockers are alright!"
     
  8. slugger6

    slugger6 XDTalk 85K Member Founding Member

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    All three..good ones! :lol:
     
  9. community

    community XDTalk 5K Member Founding Member

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    lol lol lol
     
  10. jmichna

    jmichna XDTalk 20K Member Founding Member

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    Each Friday night after work, Ole would fire up his outdoor grill on the shore of Big Stone Lake and cook a venison steak. But, all of Ole's neighbors were Catholic and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks wafted over Ortonville all the way to Clinton, and was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

    The Priest came to visit Ole, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After, several classes and much study, Ole attended Mass. As the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Lutheran, and raised a Lutheran, but now you are a Catholic."

    Ole's neighbors were relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Ole's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

    There stood Ole, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted:

    "You vuz born a deer, you vuz raised a deer, but now you is a walleye pike." ;)
     
  11. jmichna

    jmichna XDTalk 20K Member Founding Member

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    A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple minutes later, he asked the priest, "Father, what causes arthritis?"

    "My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man," the priest replied.

    "Imagine that," the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper.

    The priest, thinking about how harshly he answered the man, turned to him and apologized: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

    "I don't have arthritis, Father," the drunk said, "but I just read in the paper that the Pope does."
     
  12. jmichna

    jmichna XDTalk 20K Member Founding Member

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    The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel.

    "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match."

    The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.

    "Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "We'll call America and talk to Phil Michelson. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres ... We can't lose!"

    Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Phil was honored and agreed to play.

    The day after the match, Michelson reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Michelson.

    "Second?!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!"

    "No," said Michelson, "second to Rabbi Woods." :shock:
     
  13. jmichna

    jmichna XDTalk 20K Member Founding Member

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    The Pope goes to New York.

    He is picked up at the airport by a limousine.

    He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, "You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?"

    The driver is understandably hesistant and says, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm supposed to do that."

    But the Pope persists, "Please?" The driver finally lets up. "Oh, all right, I can't really say no to the Pope."

    So the Pope takes the wheel, and boy, is he a speed demon! He hits the gas and goes around 120 mph in a 45 zone. A policeman notices and pulls him over.

    The cop walks up and asks the Pope to roll down the window.

    Startled and surprised, the young officer asks the Pope to wait a minute.

    He goes back to his patrol car and radios the chief.

    Cop: Chief, I have a problem.

    Chief: What sort of problem?

    Cop: Well, you see, I pulled over this guy for driving way over the speed limit but it's someone really important.

    Chief: Important like the mayor?

    Cop: No, no, much more important than that.

    Chief: Important like the governor?

    Cop: Wayyyyyy more important than that.

    Chief: Like the president?

    Cop: More important.

    Chief: Who's more important than the president?

    Cop: I don't know, but he's got the Pope DRIVING for him!
     
  14. mfdrookie516

    mfdrookie516 XDTalk 500 Member

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    LOL, these are all great!
     
  15. jmichna

    jmichna XDTalk 20K Member Founding Member

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    The Pope dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, Saint Peter shows him to his new quarters which turn out to be a tiny one bedroom apartment.

    The Pope is horrified and wants to know why he doesn't have the penthouse apartment, which is huge.

    Saint Peter informs him that the resident of the penthouse is a lawyer.

    "A lawyer," says the Pope. "But I'm the Pope, surely I'm more important."

    "With respect Sir," says Saint Peter, "We have lots of Pope's up here, but we only have ONE lawyer!"
     

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