Ole Swenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota, takes a lightning-quick kick from a cow... right in his crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said 'How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiancé, Lena , is still a virgin - in every vay.' The doctor told him, 'Ole, I'll have to put your willy in a splint to let it heal, and keep it straight. It should be okay next week, but leave it in there as long as you can. He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together... quite an impressive work of art. Ole mentions none of this to Lena, marries her, and they go south on their honeymoon to Duluth. That night in the Motel-6, Lena rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts. She said, 'Ole...you're the first vun! No vun has EVER seen deez.' Ole immediately drops his pants and replies, 'Look at dis Lena... still in DA CRATE!'