Carnivorous' Monster Boudreau Joke Thread!

[Carnivorous]

A little backstory... Boudreau jokes are huge in my household. Yes, I am from Ohio. So I have a ton, and I'm always open to hearing more! Some of these may sound familiar, and I know a couple are repeated from the other joke thread, but I wanted to keep them all together for posterity.

Two things... I know the technical spelling is probably "Boudreaux" with the X, but I've always preferred it without the X so that's what you get! Also, I've got a ton of jokes, and I'm going to post them separately, so please don't add to this thread until I've put them all out there! After that, please feel free to tell me a Boudreau story I haven't heard yet.

[Carnivorous]

Boudreau had been fishing in the bayou all day and he ran out of night crawlers. He was almost ready to leave when he saw a snake with a big frog in his mouth. Boudreau knew that big mouth bass liked frogs even more than they liked worms, so snuck up behind the snake, and grabbed it behind the head. The snake squirmed and wrapped itself around Boudreau’s arm, but Boudreau pulled the frog out of its mouth and stuck it in his bait can.

Boudreau didn’t want to get bit, so he grabbed his moonshine and poured it into the snake’s mouth. The snake’s eyes rolled back and he flopped onto the ground. Boudreau threw the snake into the bayou and kept fishing.

A little while later Boudreau felt a tap on his foot. He looked down, and there sat the snake with two frogs.

[Carnivorous]

A logging company was falling behind schedule and decided it needed to hire some more loggers. As soon as they put out an ad, a skinny Cajun named Boudreau was knocking at the door of the head lumberjack. The lumberjack took one look at how skinny he was and told him they needed a real lumberjack. Boudreau insisted that he was good for the job, so to get rid of him, the head lumberjack pointed to a big redwood and said, well, take your axe and go chop that tree down. He closed the door and figured that Boudreau fellow would get discouraged and leave. Five minutes later, there was another knock at the door, and there was Boudreau again. “I chopped it down, now do I get the job?” said Boudreau. The lumberjack couldn’t believe his eyes. “Where did you learn to chop trees like that!?” he asked. “Oh, back when I was working the Sahara Forest,” Boudreau replied. The puzzled lumberjack said, “You mean the Sahara Desert?” Boudreau stopped for a second, and then smiled, “Oh, yeah, right, that’s what they call it NOW.”

[Carnivorous]

Boudreau at the hunting camp with 3 buddies, Thibodeau, Gauthreau, and Fontenot, drinking beer and playing bouree. “Boudreau”, says Fontenot, “You coming hunt them bear with us in the morn?” Boudreau, the excellent hunter that he is, says “Non, I think I’ll go alone; I hunt better that way.”

So, in the morning when everyone else woke to go on the hunt, there was ole Boudreau, returning from his hunt with a big black bear. There was only ONE bullet hole on the bear, right between the eyes. “Damn, you are a good shot”, says Thibodeau, who is leaving to go hunting. “Yep, one shot - that’s all it took” says Boudreau, “I told you!”

Well, they came back later that day without a single bear. That night, the same routine; beer and bouree. Thibodeau asks Boudreau if he’ll go on the hunt with them in the morn. Again, Boudreau says “No, I hunt better alone.” So, in the morn all 3 guys are leaving for the hunt when Boudreau is returning with a bear. Again, only ONE bullet hole between the eyes. Gauthreau, not believing what he’s seeing, exclaims “Boudreau, how you do it with one shot? You can’t be that good, huh?” Well, the same thing happens later that day; they return without a single bear. The next morning Boudreau returns with a bear as the other 3 are leaving for their hunt. But, this time, there were 3 bullet holes on the bear; one in between the eyes, one in the left paw, and one in the right paw. Gauthreau, seeing the three bullet holes, exclaims, “Uh huh, I knew you couldn’t do it three times in a row with one bullet; I knew you wasn’t that good!!” Boudreau, remaining calm, says “No man, all it took was one shot - that’s it!! You see, it was pretty dark when I shot him. I put my flashlight up like that and shined it at his eyes. When he saw the light, he put both his hands over his eyes to cover them, and that’s when I shot.”

[Carnivorous]

Boudreau won the eight million dollar Lotto drawing. So early Monday morning he drives to Lotto headquarters in Baton Rouge to collect his winnings. Boudreau tells the clerk, I won the Lotto and I come to collect my money, eight million dollar. The clerk tells him I am sorry Mr. Boudreau but we don’t give all the money at one time, we will pay you four hundred thousand dollars for the next twenty years. Boudreau tells the clerk may non cher I don’t want to wait twenty years for my money I want it today and all of it! Again she tells him I am sorry sir but that’s not the way it works. Boudreau was furious so he tells the clerk if you can’t give me all of my money today then here is your ticket and give me back my dollar!

[Carnivorous]

Boudreau walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, “You know Boudreau, a pint goes flat after I pour it; wouldn’t you rather I pour fresh pints for you, one at a time?” Boudreau replies: “Well, you see sha, I have two brothers. One is now in Nova Scotia, and the other, in France, and me, mais I’m from Louisiana. When we all left home, we promised we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.” The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. Boudreau becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the regulars notice and fall silent, speculating about what might have happened to one of the absent brothers. When Boudreau goes back to the bar for a second round, the bartender says, “Hey Boudreau, I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.” Boudreau looks confused for a moment and then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs and says: “Oh, no, no, no, arrybody’s ‘s fine. I’ve just given up beer for Lent.”

[Carnivorous]

Boudreau got hisself a job as a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Bob, the owner, had had about enough and warned Boudreau that the next sale he missed would be his last. Just then a man came in coughing and he ask Boudreau for their best cough syrup. Try as he might Boudreau could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob’s warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once. The customer did as Boudreau said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post. Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask Boudreau what had transpired. “Mais, he wanted sometin for his cough but I couldn’t find de cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once” Boudreau explained. “Ex-Lax won’t cure a cough” Bob shouted angrily. “De hell you say; sure it will!” Boudreau said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post. “Look at him ova dere; mais he’s afraid to cough yeah.”

[Carnivorous]

Boudreau and Thibodeau go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune. The first day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, Boudreau catches a fish. As they’re driving home they’re really depressed. Thibodeau turns to Boudreau and says, “Do you realize dat dis one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?” Boudreau says, “Wow! It’s a good ting we didn’t catch any more!

[Carnivorous]

Boudreau gets this job bartending in a local bar down in Louisiana. Late one night bout 1 or 2 AM, dis drunk man with no arms walked up to de bar and asked Boudreau for a beer. Boudreau shoved dat cold, foaming glassof beer in front of him. “Look,” said the customer, “I have no arms - would you please hold the glass up to my mouth?” “Ah, mais you bet podner”, said Boudreau, and he did.

“Now,” said the customer, “I wonder if you’d be so kind as to get my handkerchief out of my pocket and wipe the foam off my mouth.” “Not a problem, podner!” replies Boudreau. And it was done.

“If,” said the armless man, “you’d reach in my right hand pants pocket, you’ll find the money for the beer.” Boudreau reaches into the man’s pocket and pulls out $2.00.

“You’ve been very kind,” said the customer. “Just one thing more. Where is the men’s room?”

“Out de door,” said Boudreau, as he points. “Turn left, walk two or three blocks, and dere’s one in dat dere filling station on de corner.”

[Carnivorous]

Boudreau, Thibodeau, and Gautreau was playing a big round of golf for $200. At the 18th green Boudreau had hisself a ten foot putt to win dat round, and the $200. As Boudreau was lining up his putt, a funeral procession started to pass by. Boudreau sat down his putter, took his hat off, placed it over his chest, and waited for de funeral procession to pass him by. After it passed, Boudreau picked up his putter and returned to lining up his putt. Seeing dis, Thibodeau said, “Mais cher, dat was de most touching ting I never seen befo. I can’t believe you stopped playing, possibly losing all you concentration, to pay you respects.” “Well”, Boudreau replies, “we were married for 25 years.”