Carnivorous' Monster Boudreau Joke Thread!

[Carnivorous]

Boudreau is sittin’ on his front porch one morning when Thibodeau stops by in his boat and yells “hey Boudreau, I got me som’ dat duck tape and I’m goin’ duck huntin’,
d’ya wanna go?”

Boudreau yells back “mais no, you ain’t gonna catch no ducks wit no duck tape, you crazy.” So Thibodeau left, and stopped by later in the day with a boat full of ducks.

The next day Thibodeau stops by and yells, “Hey Boudreau, I got me some Nutra-sweet, and I’m goin’ nutria huntin’, do ya wanna go?” and Boudreau yelled back, “you crazy, you ain’t gonna catch no nutria wit no nutra-sweet, I ain’t goin.” Thibodeau stopped by later in the day with a boat full of nutrias he’d trapped.

The next day Thibodeau stops by Boudreau’s house and yells, “Hey Boudreau, I got me some o’ dat ***** willow, and I...” Boudreau stopped him and yelled “I’ll be right there, let me git my hat!!”

[Carnivorous]

One hot July day Boudreau saw a commercial on television for Cajun Home Improvements, which was advertising the energy-saving benefits of storm windows. After talking it over with his wife Marie, they decided that it would be good to have them installed on their home in greater downtown Breaux Bridge.

The following December, on a cold day, a policeman knocked on Boudreau’s door, slapped handcuffs on him, threw him into the back seat of his police car, and took him to jail.

A few days later, Boudreau appeared in court before Judge Thibodeau. Judge Thibodeau looked across the courtroom at Boudreau and asked him if he knew why he had been brought to court. Boudreau responded that he had no idea. Judge Thibodeau told Boudreau it was because he hadn’t yet sent Cajun Home Improvements the money for the installation of his new storm windows.

Boudreau responded, ‘Mais Judge, da reason why I ain’t send dem any money is cause, before I bought dem windows, de salesman told me dat in 6 months dey would pay for demselves!”

[Carnivorous]

Boudreau calls the doctor and says, “Doc, doc, my wife Marie is in labor and da contractions are only two minutes apart!” The doctor asks, “Is this her first child?” Boudreau shouts, “No, you idiot, this is her husband!”

[Carnivorous]

Boudreau and Thibodeau were driving toward the woods to go bear hunting. They came to a fork in the road, where there was a sign that said “Bear Left”. So they turned around and went home.

[Carnivorous]

Thibodeau was walking down the road one day and spotted Boudreau walking towards him carrying a sack over his shoulder. When they met up on the road, Thibodeau asked him “What you got in the sack?” Boudreau answered, “I got me some chickens in this sack.” Thibodeau thought about this and then asked, “If I guess how many chickens are in the sack, can I have one?” Boudreau, impressed but doubtful that his friend could do such a thing, said “If you can guess how many chickens I have in this sack, I’ll give you BOTH of them!”

[Carnivorous]

South Central Bell needed to install some new telephone poles out in Louisiana, and they wanted it done fast. The to best bids came from a company called Acme Pole Installers and a local contractor named Boudreau. So they started a contest, asking Acme to install poles along one side of a road and Boudreau to install poles along the other side. At the end of the day, the South Central Bell representative came out to see who had installed the most poles. Acme had 24 poles on their side, and Boudreau only had 4. So the representative asked him “How come you’re so slow? Acme has 24 poles already!” To which Boudreau replied, “Well, sure they’re fast -- look at how much of the pole they left sticking out of the ground!”

[Carnivorous]

Boudreau was out at a local lake known for its excellent fishing when he ran into the game warden who saw his bucket of fish. The warden said, “Boudreau, you have to have a license to catch fish outta this lake.”

And Boudreau smiled and said, “That’s okay sir, you see, these are my pet fish. I didn’t catch ‘em.”

“Pet fish?” the warden said, looking puzzled.

“Heck yeah,” said Boudreau. “I just like to take ‘em down to the lake every day, let them swim around a little to stretch their fins, and then I whistle and they jump back in the bucket to go home.”

The warden wasn’t buying it “That’s a load of baloney, fish can’t do that!”

Boudreau said, “Sure it does, here, I’ll show you.”

“This I’ve gotta see” said the warden. So they went down to the lake and Boudreau poured the fish into the lake and they stood and waited. After a few minutes the warden looked at Boudreau and said “Well?”

“Well what?” said Boudreau.

“When are you going to call them back?” asked the warden.

“Call who back?” asked Boudreau.

“The fish!” said the warden.

“What fish?” asked Boudreau.

[Carnivorous]

Boudreau was drunk and accidentally walked into the middle of a mass baptism at the river. The preacher asked him, “Are you ready to find Jesus?”

“I shore am!” said Boudreau. So the preacher dunked his head in the water.

When Boudreau stood back up, the preacher asked “have you found Jesus?”

Boudreau said, “Nope, I haven’t yet.” So the preacher dunked him again.

When Boudreau stood up again the preacher repeated, “Have you found Jesus yet?”

Boudreau looked sheepish and admitted that he hadn’t. The preacher, frustrated, dunked him again, but this time held Boudreau’s head down a little longer.

When Boudreau stood up again, the preacher asked again, “Have you found Jesus yet?”

Boudreau looked puzzled and said, “Are you sure this is where he fell in?”

[Carnivorous]

Boudreau applied for an engineering position at a refinery in St. James Parish. A Yankee applied for the same job, and both applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked to take a test by the manager. Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the questions.

The manager went to Boudreau and said, “Thank you for your interest, but we’ve decided to give the Yankee the job.” Boudreau asked, “And why are you giving him the job? We both got nine questions correct. This being Louisiana and me being a Cajun, I should get the job!” The manager said, “We have made our decision not on the correct answers but on the one question that you both missed.”

Boudreau then asked, “And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?” The manager replied, “Boudreau, it’s like this. On question #4, the Yankee put down “I don’t know,” and you put down “Neither do I!”

[Carnivorous]

As Boudreau watched his little girl play in the yard, he reflected upon how sweet and innocent she was.

Suddenly she stared intently at something on the ground. Boudreau saw that she had discovered two spiders mating.

“Daddy, what are they doing?”

“They’re mating, honey.”

“What kind of spider is that one?”

“It’s a Daddy Long Legs.”

The little girl thought a moment and said, “Oh, so the other one is a Mommy Long Legs.”

“No, honey, the other one’s a Daddy Long Legs, too.”

Again the little girl paused.

Then with her shoe she furiously stomped the spiders into the dirt and said, “That may be fine in California and Oregon, but we’re not having any of this **** in Texas!”