Carnivorous' Monster Boudreau Joke Thread!

[Carnivorous]

Boudreau & Ann, Pierre & Marie (two happily married couples) all decide to have a pedro game one night. So they all meet at Pierre & Marie’s house and begin playing cards. A couple of games later, Pierre decides he needs to go to the can, so he goes. Then Ann decides to go get more beer in the kitchen, and she goes.

Remaining at the pedro table were Boudreau and Marie. Boudreau, looking at Marie (Pierre’s wife) tells her (Marie) that he thinks she looks good and that he would like nothing more than to do the nasty with her. Marie tells Boudreau that he is her husband’s best friend and that she don’t think so... Boudreau then begs her. Well, Marie gives in and tells Boudreau that it will cost him. He asks how much? She says $100.00. Boudreau tells her that is too much, being he has no job. Then after a little while, Boudreau agrees he will pay her. They decide he will go over the next morning while Pierre is at work.

So they finish their pedro game that night, and Boudreau & Ann head home for the night. Bright and early the next morning, Boudreau goes over to Pierre’s house just after Pierre leaves for work (not to see Pierre, no!!) and he and Marie spend the day together. He gets what he wants from Marie and gives her the $100.00 then leaves.

A little while later Pierre comes home and asks Marie if Boudreau came by today. Marie was shocked, but couldn’t lie to Pierre and says yes, Boudreau did come by. Then Pierre asks if Boudreau gave her $100.00. Marie replies yes while hesitating. Pierre says, that good ole friend of mine, Boudreau; I knew I could count on him. This morning he came by work and borrowed $100.00 and said he’d have it back by 5:00pm.

[Carnivorous]

Boudreau, dressed up in his best Western attire, acting like an ole cowboy went into a bar down dere in Loosiana, and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to Boudreau and asked him, “Are you a real cowboy?”

He replied, “Well, I’ve spent my whole life down on dat ranch in Houma Louisiana, herdin cows around.”

He then asked her what she was. She replied, “I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women. When I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women!” A little while later a couple sat down next to Boudreau and asked him “Are you a real cowboy?”

He replied, “ I always taut I was, but I just found out that I’m a lesbian, me!”

[Carnivorous]

Boudreau and Thibodeau were once again spending Saturday night at Patin’s, the local city bar. After several hours of steady drinking, Boudreau suddenly fell backwards off of the bar stool and onto the floor, passed out cold.

Thibodeau looks at Boudreau, looks up at the bartender, and remarks, “Dat’s what I like about Boudreau; he knows when he done had enough to drink.”

[Carnivorous]

Boudreau & Thibodeau were driving around town one night, and coming up to a red light, Boudreau runs right through it, not even slowing down.

Thibodeau says, “Boudreau, you ran dat red light. Be careful!” Boudreau tells him, “Don’t worry, Hebert does it all de time, and nuttin ever happens.”

A few minutes later, another red light, and Boudreau runs it too. Thibodeau screams at him, Boudreau, you keep running dem red lights, you gonna got us killed!”

Boudreau assures him, “Mais I done tol’ you, Hebert does it all de time wid no problem. Don’t worry.”

The next intersection they come to, they have a green light, and Boudreau slams on the brakes, coming to a complete stop on green.

Thibodeau asks him, “Why you stop for de green light?” Boudreau, looking cautiously both ways tells him, “Mais, if I gots de green light, I gots to be careful, ‘cause Hebert might be passing de other way!”

[Carnivorous]

A construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came Boudreau. The boss thought “I’m not hiring that lazy cajun...”, so he decided to set a test for Boudreau, hoping he wouldn’t be able to answer the questions, and he’d be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.

The first question was, Without using numbers, represent the number 9. Boudreau says, “Dat’s easy” and proceeds to draw three tree’s. The boss says, “What the hells that?”

Boudreau says “Tree ‘n tree n’ tree makes nine”. Fair enough, says the boss.

Second question, same rules, but represent 99. Boudreau stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. “Der ya go sir” he says. The boss scratches his head and says, “How on earth do you get that to represent 99?” Boudreau says “each tree’s dirty now! so it’s dirty tree, n’ dirty tree n’ dirty tree, dats 99.”

The boss is getting worried he’s going to have to hire him, so he says, “All right, question three. Same rules again, but represent the number 100”. Boudreau stares into space again, then he shouts, “I got it!” He makes a little mark at the base of each tree, and says “There ya go sir. 100.” The boss looks at Boudreau’s attempt and thinks, Ha! got him this time.

“Go on Boudreau, you must be crazy if you think that represents a hundred.” Boudreau leans forward and points to the marks at the tree bases, and says, “A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so now ya got, dirty tree an’ a turd, dirty tree an’ a turd, and dirty tree an’ a turd, which makes a hundred, when do I start my job?”

[Carnivorous]

Boudreau’s been drinking all nite at Patin’s, the local bar, dere in Labadie. The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So Boudreau stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl across the Labadie bridge, and the 4 blocks to his home. When Boudreau arrives at the door he stands up and falls flat on his face again. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. “So, you’ve been out drinking again!!” “Me?”, “What makes you say that?” Boudreau asks as he puts on an innocent look. “Patin’s called”, his wife replied, “you left your wheelchair there again.”

[Carnivorous]

Boudreau waz a widower an’ Clotile waz a widow. Dey bot’ lived in de nursing home for a long time. One night de ole folks home had a party an’ Boudreau and Clotile struck up some talk. Before you know eet, Boudreau axed Clotile to marry heem. She say, “Oh mais ouis, mais ouis”, an’ after de party dey went back to deir rooms.

De nex’ day Boudreau woke up and he say, “You know dat I don remember if she said yes or no, so I’ll call her on de telephone an’ tole her dat ma memory is getting’ jus’ a leetle bad and I can’t remember if she say yes or no when I axed her to marry me.

He called her de nex’ day jus’ like he planned, and she say, “Oh, I said yes, an’ ah am so glad dat you called, cause I couldn’t remember who axed me!”

[Carnivorous]

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Cajun were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said: “Corned beef and cabbage. If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.”

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed: “Burritos again. If I get Burritos one more time, I’m going to jump off too.”

The Cajun opened his lunch and said: “Gumbo again. If I get gumbo one more time, I’m jumping too.”

====Next Day =====

The Irishman opens his lunch box, sees Corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death.
The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a Burrito and jumps too.
The Cajun opens his lunch, sees gumbo and jumps to his death also.

====At The Funeral =====

The Irishman’s wife is weeping. She says: “If I’d known how really tired he was of Corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again.”

The Mexican’s wife also weeps and says: “I could have given him Tacos or Enchiladas -- I didn’t realize he hated Burritos so much.”

Everyone turned and stared at the Cajun’s wife.... “Hey, don’t look at me,” she said, “That dumb ass makes his OWN lunch!”

[Carnivorous]

Boudreau and two men were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops. Boudreau looked astonished. “Oh”, he says, “I have a microchip under the skin of my arm and that’s my pager”.

A moment later there is a ringing sound. The second man lifts his arm to his ear and starts talking. When he is done he explains I have a microchip in my arm and that’s my mobile phone.

Boudreau, feeling somewhat left out, steps out of the sauna. After a few minutes he returns with a piece of toilet paper sticking out from between his ********. The other two men look astonished. “Oh,” he explains, “I’m just getting a Fax.”

[Carnivorous]

Boudreau is sitting at the bar, and he turns to the woman next to him and asks “Hey, do you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The woman replies “I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m blonde. And I’ve got a black belt in karate. My friend sitting next to me is a blonde too, and she’s a professional wrestler. And my friend sitting on the other side of her is a blond bodybuilder. Are you sure you want to tell that joke?”

Boudreau thinks about it for a while. “Nah,” he says, “I don’t want to have to explain it three times.”