Girlfriend is moving in tommorow... god help me.

[jtkratzer]

Originally Posted by tjg

Right, there, jtkratzer! My wife has pointed out some "dish" on the menu I might have overlooked. One in a restaurant last week displaying too much of the a$$. While not a plumber, she showed a lot. Too much as she may have been 250+. I think we discovered why they call the the Y generation.

No no no, you need to have a chat with your wife. That's a problem. My wife and I only point out dishes that are appealing.

[WilliamWallace]

Wow this turned from chick moving in to how much to spend on a ring and what DJ to get... holy crap!

I have been through 2 divorces myself. First one was caused by getting married when neither one of really knew who we were, much less had any idea of what we wanted in another person. Second one got knocked up while I was deployed. (go ahead guys, let the bitch have it, I don't think there is any cheating that is more deplorable than cheating on someone while they protect your ass)... but anyway, I digress...

While I love the guys on this forum, you need to make your own decisions based on what you feel. Listen to your gut. The guys on this board, including me, can tell you all kinds of stories about the love of our life and how all the stars line up at night because things are sooooo peachy... I had one guy in a plant I worked in before the service that told me that I wasn't ready. I thought he had no clue what he was talking about. I thought that way because I had my own doubts, but I didn't pay any attention to them... and it hurt when I learned my lesson.

2 things that are really the bottom line:

1. Nobody here is going to put in the work that it takes to make your relationship work. This is like asking us if we would buy such and such gun... hell yes! It isn't my money, debt, responsibility to buy a safe, to learn to use it well, etc., so it is easy to say "go for it". Almost all marriages take a lot of selflessness, compromise, understanding and hard work. Very few are truly "I married my high school sweetheart and everything has been roses and daisies ever since." believe it... I always say, "You can get smart or you can get strong." This means you can pay attention now or you can learn it the hard way. It is true whether you choose to hear it now or find yourself saying it later.

2. No one here is going to volunteer to pay for the divorce, splitting of assets, credit damage, etc. that you will experience IF you go through a divorce. I say IF because they don't all end that way. More than half do, but not all ... you HAVE to make this decision knowing that it could cost YOU a great deal if you make the wrong call, both financially and sometimes more importantly, emotionally.

One last piece of advice... stop sleeping with the girl (maybe I shouldn't assume you are, but I do) I have a buddy who slept with a girl while he made his decision. He wasn't sure if he wanted to be with her forever. Guess what? They now have a 17 year old son. He made the decision, so to speak, while he was thinking about it... they didn't marry, just 17 years of hell for both of them, not due to the kid, who was a blessing, but due to the fact that they had to be a part of each other's lives long after they had decided they didn't want to be anymore.

My $7.43 worth...

[thebigx]

Originally Posted by WilliamWallace

Wow this turned from chick moving in to how much to spend on a ring and what DJ to get... holy crap!

I have been through 2 divorces myself. First one was caused by getting married when neither one of really knew who we were, much less had any idea of what we wanted in another person. Second one got knocked up while I was deployed. (go ahead guys, let the bitch have it, I don't think there is any cheating that is more deplorable than cheating on someone while they protect your ass)... but anyway, I digress...

While I love the guys on this forum, you need to make your own decisions based on what you feel. Listen to your gut. The guys on this board, including me, can tell you all kinds of stories about the love of our life and how all the stars line up at night because things are sooooo peachy... I had one guy in a plant I worked in before the service that told me that I wasn't ready. I thought he had no clue what he was talking about. I thought that way because I had my own doubts, but I didn't pay any attention to them.

2 things that are really the bottom line:

1. Nobody here is going to put in the work that it takes to make your relationship work. This is like asking us if we would buy such and such gun... hell yes! It isn't my money, debt, responsibility to buy a safe, to learn to use it well, etc., so it is easy to say "go for it". Almost all marriages take a lot of selflessness, compromise, understanding and hard work. Very few are truly "I married my high school sweetheart and everything has been roses and daisies ever since." believe it... I always say, "You can get smart or you can get strong." This means you can pay attention now or you can learn it the hard way. It is true whether you choose to hear it now or find yourself saying it later.

2. No one here is going to volunteer to pay for the divorce, splitting of assets, credit damage, etc. that you will experience IF you go through a divorce. I say IF because they don't all end that way. More than half do, but not all ... you HAVE to make this decision knowing that it could cost YOU a great deal if you make the wrong call, both financially and sometimes more importantly, emotionally.

One last piece of advice... stop sleeping with the girl (maybe I shouldn't assume you are, but I do) I have a buddy who slept with a girl while he made his decision. He wasn't sure if he wanted to be with her forever. Guess what? They now have a 17 year old son. He made the decision, so to speak, while he was thinking about it... they didn't marry, just 17 years of hell for both of them, not due to the kid, who was a blessing, but due to the fact that they had to be a part of each other's lives long after they had decided they didn't want to be anymore.

My $7.43 worth...

what does your 10 bucks worth of sense get him? lol

that's some good advice!

[WilliamWallace]

Originally Posted by thebigx

what does your 10 bucks worth of sense get him? lol

that's some good advice!

Sir, I must admit, I can give this advice NOT because I was smart, but because I was stupid... and therefore got strong.

[Tempest]

just 17 years of hell for both of them, not due to the kid, who was a blessing, but due to the fact that they had to be a part of each other's lives long after they had decided they didn't want to be anymore.

Something for me to look forward to, yea!

[Bill in San Jose]

Originally Posted by yeahYeah

i married my wife at 24 right after college. we never lived together prior to getting married.

We got married when I was 24, in college and we did live together for 1+ years while in college. This fall will be 29 years.

Children and finances are not the only reason to get married.

The temptations? They'll always be there, that's life and it's no different now, than it was 2,000 or more years ago.

[AZXD]

Originally Posted by WilliamWallace

Sir, I must admit, I can give this advice NOT because I was smart, but because I was stupid... and therefore got strong.

That is how I learned as well.

[Rusty Shackelford]

My wife and I have been together for 23 years. We moved into together because she needed a place to live - and ended up living together for 6 years before we finally tied the knot.

Lots of people have given lots of advice, but all I will say it is it will only work if both of you want it to work. Make the decision early on to grow together, not apart. Find similar hobbies and interests and do them together.

It doesn't matter whether you live together or not, 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce. Decide now which 50 percent you want to be in.

[yocan]

This is from the perspective of a pastors son, so I have seen dozens of people get divorced and married and such frequently. So I have an idea of what does and doesn't work, dad talks about it all the time.

I would say you should be married, this will make it harder. Religion aside however you and she both need to do this.

Make not a list but the list of ten things you have to have in a wife and ten things you cannot have in one. If she qualifies, your good to go. I'd say get engaged now, and marry her (assuming your still on really good terms) in September or earlier.

About it getting harder, its a hassle, women are trouble, here is the question, is she worth it? If she is you have to fight through and from today, the day you plan on asking her to marry you, the sideshows have to stop, flat stop you can't even start the flirting again, if you do, your marriage won't survive 18 months from when you start (or you'll be cheating and feel miserable within 18 months) The flirting will lead to more, so stop it today, if you can't you shouldn't be looking at getting married because she isn't worth it to you.

[yocan]

Originally Posted by WilliamWallace

Second one got knocked up while I was deployed. (go ahead guys, let the bitch have it, I don't think there is any cheating that is more deplorable than cheating on someone while they protect your ass)... but anyway, I digress...
1. Nobody here is going to put in the work that it takes to make your relationship work.
One last piece of advice... stop sleeping with the girl (maybe I shouldn't assume you are, but I do) I have a buddy who slept with a girl while he made his decision. He wasn't sure if he wanted to be with her forever. Guess what? They now have a 17 year old son. He made the decision, so to speak, while he was thinking about it... they didn't marry, just 17 years of hell for both of them, not due to the kid, who was a blessing, but due to the fact that they had to be a part of each other's lives long after they had decided they didn't want to be anymore.

My $7.43 worth...

That is all amazing advice.