Girlfriend is moving in tommorow... god help me.

[Tempest]

anything that comes up can be talked about reasonably, and that sir, is the key.

This is a wise man.

[jtkratzer]

My wife and I started dating in high school... I was a senior, she was a junior...we didn't plan on it, but we ended up going to the same college. We went to Germany twice together through two different exchange programs. We had our bumps in the road and split up for a couple months, neither of us really dated anyone else. It was more of me wanting to make sure I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.

She ended up graduating college in 2005 and we got engaged that September and married the following March. It's been a bit over 2 years since and I couldn't be happier.

We didn't do an all out crazy $10k wedding and the ring wasn't huge, but I paid cash for it and we didn't bring on any debt from the ring, the wedding, or the honeymoon to the Virgin Islands. With school loans and everything else going on right out of college, we were on a shoe string budget for, well, everything.

You can do a nice wedding and a nice ring and a nice honeymoon without breaking the bank. We've been told by our friends that our wedding was one of the best and funnest weddings they've ever been to and we're not the first ones of the group to get married from college.

The biggest strain on most marriages is the lack of money and debt. Don't go into debt for anything unless you have to.

My wife and I did not live together before we got married. We actually both lived at home, although our parents live a whopping 5 minutes apart (we went to high school together, remember) and I rented a house about 2 months before we got married to get a home started before trying to move everything in all at the same time.

Talk to her about it and see what she thinks. If you both want to be together, do it right. It's easy to part ways as boyfriend/girlfriend when you don't share finances/a home/cars/pets/etc. When you move in and everything starts mixing together, that can spell disaster. When you're married, the vows are meant to be permanent..."till death do us part" means something to me. When you have that commitment, there is a commitment to working things out, relationship issues and financial issues.

If you move in together and don't get married, things might go great, they might not. You just don't want to be 30 or 35 or whatever one day and look at each other and try to figure out how to get out of the mess you've created over the last however many years you've shared a life together.

EDIT: I was 23 and my wife was 22 when we got married. Temptation and eye candy are always going to be there. It's part of what makes us men, we're attracted to things visually. It's why porn is such a thriving business for men and emotional love stories are the kicker for most women. You're going to look...I catch myself looking and realizing how happy I am to be with my wife and not out there playing the dating game bullsh*t any more. No games, no gimmicks, no mind games. I don't have to worry about anything when I'm going out with my buddies because I know who I'm going home to or home with every night. Some might say that's boring, to me, I call it a blessing. I don't have to worry about my sexual health or problems with pregnancy.

[GunnBugg]

Originally Posted by Carnivorous

I disagree...


Don't worry about the wedding, we spent far too much on ours. Even the things *I* cared about spending money on at the time are ridiculous in retrospect. I want that money back.

Don't worry about the ring, either! Bigger is not always better, and a nice place will usually give you good financing. Just make sure you pick out one that fits her style... some women don't like certain cuts (the fancier ones; I haven't heard of anyone who doesn't like the standard "brilliant" cut).

+1. Big wedding + big ring = Wasted money that could have been better spent on repaying student loans or as a downpayment on a house. You will really be better off using your money on the future rather than throwing a big party, unless you can afford that kinda thing. 'Cause once you're married, you need a house, you need to start building a retirement fund, and an emergency savings fund, and the list goes on and on.

I would encourage anyone who has to pay for their own wedding to use their money to make the future better. The wedding will soon be forgotten except for a few photos. (And hey, even though I'm not one to plan for failure, if you divorce, you just really pissed all that money away). So, if Mom and Dad aren't paying (which everyone else will assume they did even though they clearly cannot), use your money wisely.

My brother got married on the beach by a JP. He's still just as married, and just as happy. My uncle spent a fortune on my fav cousin's wedding. It was a great time! Then she got divorced. Ouch. My point is, it isn't about the party, it's about the couple. And having money to help with life will keep a major pressure off of the marriage.

All that being said, I understand a wedding is more of an emotional decision than a logical one.

[jtkratzer]

Originally Posted by GunnBugg

+1. Big wedding + big ring = Wasted money that could have been better spent on repaying student loans or as a downpayment on a house. You will really be better off using your money on the future rather than throwing a big party, unless you can afford that kinda thing. 'Cause once you're married, you need a house, you need to start building a retirement fund, and an emergency savings fund, and the list goes on and on.

I would encourage anyone who has to pay for their own wedding to use their money to make the future better. The wedding will soon be forgotten except for a few photos. (And hey, even though I'm not one to plan for failure, if you divorce, you just really pissed all that money away). So, if Mom and Dad aren't paying (which everyone else will assume they did even though they clearly cannot), use your money wisely.

My brother got married on the beach by a JP. He's still just as married, and just as happy. My uncle spent a fortune on my fav cousin's wedding. It was a great time! Then she got divorced. Ouch. My point is, it isn't about the party, it's about the couple. And having money to help with life will keep a major pressure off of the marriage.

All that being said, I understand a wedding is more of an emotional decision than a logical one.

Agreed...this bullsh*t out there that you have to spend 2 months of your salary on a ring is a joke. My wife didn't get a huge stone, but it's a nearly flawless stone in a cut and setting she likes. I'm about quality, not necessarily how big the stone is. I could have bought a stone that was 4 times as big, but it would have had all the imperfections and would have been yellower than piss.

Again, DON'T finance. You both will enjoy the ring more knowing you don't have to make a payment on it.

The shop where I got my wife's ring let me put a payment on it to hold it, and basically did a layaway for me. I didn't pay interest and I brought money down every week out of my check until I owned it. She never knew anything about it and when I gave it to her, it was her ring, not some bank's ring that I was borrowing until I paid them off. She was surprised enough about it all that when I was on one knee and asked "will you marry me?" she said, "Are you serious?" before saying yes.

Doing something special in how you propose and getting a nice ring (read: nice stone, not huge) is more important than how much money you spend.

[daveIT]

Originally Posted by Captain Jack

You should feel lucky. You HAVE a girlfriend. Unlike me, I'm a total loser when it comes to finding a decent girl who would want anything to do with me... Sometimes I wonder if I ever will. I have my doubts now that I will be 33 in two days.

Could it be the funny pirate suit?

[Wired]

I was given the advice to do the big ring as a 5 year anniversary present, so I went with something small, but nice. She likes it, plus it makes smaller puncture wounds. Always a plus. As for the big wedding, I don't see the point. We did ours in the mountains and the reception at the house. In the end you won't remember the little stuff like flowers and the plates and napkins and all that crap. You'll remember mostly who was there (or wasn't) and why you were there. Don't get hung up on the little stuff, you won't even remember it. Best of luck.

[jtkratzer]

Originally Posted by Wired

I was given the advice to do the big ring as a 5 year anniversary present, so I went with something small, but nice. She likes it, plus it makes smaller puncture wounds. Always a plus. As for the big wedding, I don't see the point. We did ours in the mountains and the reception at the house. In the end you won't remember the little stuff like flowers and the plates and napkins and all that crap. You'll remember mostly who was there (or wasn't) and why you were there. Don't get hung up on the little stuff, you won't even remember it. Best of luck.

Exactly. It's the people who make the wedding fun...oh, and a good DJ. If you spend decent money on one thing, make it the DJ if you have the party at a reception hall as a bad DJ can ruin everything.

[tjg]

I agree with Dan. It does not have to be a big gala or a big ring but a big committment. Ous was very small wedding before a notary (in Florida) with 2 witnesses and that was 27 years ago (second for both of us).

Just because you are on a diet does not mean you cannot look at the menu. Just be sure you only look and then best when she's not looking!

[jtkratzer]

Originally Posted by tjg

I agree with Dan. It does not have to be a big gala or a big ring but a big committment. Ous was very small wedding before a notary (in Florida) with 2 witnesses and that was 27 years ago (second for both of us).

Just because you are on a diet does not mean you cannot look at the menu. Just be sure you only look and then best when she's not looking!

The best is when you both look at the menu, your menu, together. My wife was pointing out a lady who was dressed, well, you could hardly call it dressed, the other night and her boobs were spilling out over the top over her shirt. You could literally see boobs above the shirt line. My wife made sure I saw that and was joking about how it was a bit in appropriate for Blockbuster.

[tjg]

Right, there, jtkratzer! My wife has pointed out some "dish" on the menu I might have overlooked. One in a restaurant last week displaying too much of the a$$. While not a plumber, she showed a lot. Too much as she may have been 250+. I think we discovered why they call the the Y generation.