Girlfriend is moving in tommorow... god help me. - Page 3 - XDTalk Forums - Your HS2000/SA-XD Information Source!

Gdirty5 · 05-29-2008, 07:34 AM

23 is a lil early to get married, but yea, if you think SHE'S the one, go ahead. I've been living with my GF for 4 years now. I have my own house (paid off) and we're fairly comfortable, but i don't think I'm going to get married anytime soon. I'm 24, and plan to get married when i'm 28-30 y.o.

dreydin · 05-29-2008, 08:33 AM

great advice in here. dont really think i need to add anything

Tempest · 05-29-2008, 08:54 AM

It would appear that all of the people recommending marriage have not been through a divorce. Since I am in the middle of one, I will say DO NOT rush into marrying someone simply because they will be moving in with you.

IMHO, there is no real reason to get married unless you are willing and financially able to have kids or need the medical insurance (LOL to last one). You are still young and have time to make such decisions in your life and you will see how your opinions on things change as you get older. If you like her, stay with her and treat her well. A wedding doesn't or shouldn't really change your life other than make your wallet lighter.

If she is pushing for an engagement and now she is moving in with you, that sends up red flags to me as to whether or not this will be a good thing.

cypress · 05-29-2008, 09:18 AM

You shouldn't feel bad about breaking up with her before and dating other girls. If you hadn't, you would always wonder what it would be like to be with someone else. You now have some perspective but you are still a bit young and you seem uncertain about it all in my opinion. I lived with my wife before we were married but it was only for 6 months and "we had a date" as she likes to put it. We have been married for almost 25 years now. I don't think there is anything magical about a marriage license, but you have to know in your heart that YOU are ready to commit your life to her. I don't see anything wrong with a test drive myself but if you don't have a vision of actually being married to her going into it, your chance of success will probably not be as good. You need to spend a lot of time talking about your future together, about everything, money, sex, kids, values, etc. You may know these things already from what you have said.. You have to know what you are willing to change about life to be with her and be ready to do it.

**TacoMalo** · 05-29-2008, 09:34 AM

Sounds like y'all should stick together especially if she helped you out when others left you behind. Temptation will always be there, sorry but it's what you do or don't do that makes you a good honest man.

UncleBuck · 05-29-2008, 09:37 AM

Do not marry her.

At this time of crisis for her and her family it is wonderful that you are there to help her out. It is equally disturbing that you are "looking and thinking" about multiple women while all of this is going on.

It would be a better idea to continue to help her through this rough time but keep your distance from her emotionally and physically until you get this "sowing your oats" out of your system.

Go out and "hit it" and leave her be until you grow up.

**AZXD** · 05-29-2008, 09:52 AM

Having been down the divorce road ... Twice.

The best I can say is a commitment is not something to be taken lightly. Yes marriage has it's virtues, but honestly .... Marriage is a legal piece of paper within todays society.

Commitment requires the continual effort of both individuals. It is a lifelong and very rewarding thing if commitment to each other remains strong. I finally found the right person. We have known each other and been committed to each other for almost 17 years now. The marriage is in it's 7th year and doing very well because of commitment, honesty, and love.

Do not let others talk you into something you are not both committed to. If commitment and the desire to make things work are not the basis for marriage ... That little piece of paper will not make a difference. It might delay a divorce ..... But commitment to each other is the key to happiness.

I am by no means an expert on this subject, but have realized that a piece of paper is just a piece of paper.

With all that said, if marriage and commitment are brought together ... Nothing can break them apart, IMO

yeahYeah · 05-29-2008, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanTheEldest

All sermonizing and Christianizing aside (which I've been known to do), my opinion: if you love the girl, marry her and then move her in. There's no ambiguousness about the relationship, and you'd be surprised at the real feeling of freedom that comes with that. Also offered up for consideration, I can't find the exact study right now, but as bad as our current divorce rate is in this country, it gets significantly worse when the couple in question lived together prior to marriage as compared to those who didn't.

And, my friend, the "evil thoughts" never stop, even for the most committed of us. That's where you step up and stay with your lady no matter how fine the T&A walking past happens to be.

Just my .02, humbly offered.

i married my wife at 24 right after college. we never lived together prior to getting married. I wanted her for 5 years, got her and love her. There is nothing wrong with marriage. Screw what society says. We went through hell the first year, but after 3 years now, things are good.

I also agree- the "thoughts" don't stop...it's what you do with them. My wife is an exotic Butter Pican Rican, but God will makes good looking women. It's what you do with the thoughts... We're men, it's how we were made. We're visual. Get used to it

Katy9532 · 05-29-2008, 10:07 AM

I think that the title of you thread says you are not ready for this level of commitment. sorry bro

bowl443 · 05-29-2008, 10:47 AM

I went thru something similar awhile back. Hurricane Rita destroyed my GF's house and she had nowhere else to go besides with me. I had been with her for about four years at that time and we had never seperated. We lived together for about a year before tying the knot. We are now married and everything is great. We never fight and rarely even argue at all.

Now having said all this, I had been in long term relations in the past that I thought would turn into marriage. I was wrong. In my life, I have learned that if you can date for several years without ever breaking up, then you may have something. But if you and her have seperated in the past (especially for somthing trivial) then it will not last. I have been with current wife for a total of about six years and we have never even discussed seperating, anything that comes up can be talked about reasonably, and that sir, is the key.

05-29-2008, 08:33 AM	#22
dreydin XDTalk 2K Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 2,287	great advice in here. dont really think i need to add anything __________________ XD-40 SC bi-tone - hard chromed w/TFOs + PRP goodies

05-29-2008, 08:54 AM	#23
Tempest XDTalk 500 Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 573	It would appear that all of the people recommending marriage have not been through a divorce. Since I am in the middle of one, I will say DO NOT rush into marrying someone simply because they will be moving in with you. IMHO, there is no real reason to get married unless you are willing and financially able to have kids or need the medical insurance (LOL to last one). You are still young and have time to make such decisions in your life and you will see how your opinions on things change as you get older. If you like her, stay with her and treat her well. A wedding doesn't or shouldn't really change your life other than make your wallet lighter. If she is pushing for an engagement and now she is moving in with you, that sends up red flags to me as to whether or not this will be a good thing. __________________ Tempest

05-29-2008, 09:18 AM	#24
cypress XDTalk 100 Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Central PA Posts: 345	You shouldn't feel bad about breaking up with her before and dating other girls. If you hadn't, you would always wonder what it would be like to be with someone else. You now have some perspective but you are still a bit young and you seem uncertain about it all in my opinion. I lived with my wife before we were married but it was only for 6 months and "we had a date" as she likes to put it. We have been married for almost 25 years now. I don't think there is anything magical about a marriage license, but you have to know in your heart that YOU are ready to commit your life to her. I don't see anything wrong with a test drive myself but if you don't have a vision of actually being married to her going into it, your chance of success will probably not be as good. You need to spend a lot of time talking about your future together, about everything, money, sex, kids, values, etc. You may know these things already from what you have said.. You have to know what you are willing to change about life to be with her and be ready to do it. __________________ XD 9mm Tactical Quit Smokeless Network

05-29-2008, 09:34 AM	#25
TacoMalo XDTalk 1K Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: South Texas Posts: 1,607	Sounds like y'all should stick together especially if she helped you out when others left you behind. Temptation will always be there, sorry but it's what you do or don't do that makes you a good honest man. __________________ "Dilegua, o notte! Tramontate, stelle! Tramontate, stelle! All'alba vincerò! Vincerò! Vincerò!" "I drink diet coke so I can eat regular cake!" Gabriel Iglesias 2007

05-29-2008, 09:37 AM	#26
UncleBuck XDTalk 1K Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 1,448	Do not marry her. At this time of crisis for her and her family it is wonderful that you are there to help her out. It is equally disturbing that you are "looking and thinking" about multiple women while all of this is going on. It would be a better idea to continue to help her through this rough time but keep your distance from her emotionally and physically until you get this "sowing your oats" out of your system. Go out and "hit it" and leave her be until you grow up. __________________ "America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves" ~ Abraham Lincoln NObama 08' You *should* read this...http://www.constitution.org/mil/rkba1982.htm

05-29-2008, 07:34 AM	#21
Gdirty5 XDTalk 100 Member Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 104	23 is a lil early to get married, but yea, if you think SHE'S the one, go ahead. I've been living with my GF for 4 years now. I have my own house (paid off) and we're fairly comfortable, but i don't think I'm going to get married anytime soon. I'm 24, and plan to get married when i'm 28-30 y.o.

05-29-2008, 09:52 AM	#27
AZXD XDTalk 10K Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Valley of the GUN Posts: 14,725	Having been down the divorce road ... Twice. The best I can say is a commitment is not something to be taken lightly. Yes marriage has it's virtues, but honestly .... Marriage is a legal piece of paper within todays society. Commitment requires the continual effort of both individuals. It is a lifelong and very rewarding thing if commitment to each other remains strong. I finally found the right person. We have known each other and been committed to each other for almost 17 years now. The marriage is in it's 7th year and doing very well because of commitment, honesty, and love. Do not let others talk you into something you are not both committed to. If commitment and the desire to make things work are not the basis for marriage ... That little piece of paper will not make a difference. It might delay a divorce ..... But commitment to each other is the key to happiness. I am by no means an expert on this subject, but have realized that a piece of paper is just a piece of paper. With all that said, if marriage and commitment are brought together ... Nothing can break them apart, IMO __________________ SCOTUS judge appointments ... Will last much longer than Obama or McCain. Who do you want selecting people who have the ability to support or remove individual rights ?? AZXD At least I don't need any Viagra just to get myself to a point where I can do the Palin librarian fantasy Veep thing. KEVWYO There are a bunch of you that need to hit the head and grab your jar of vaseline and just get it over with. KEVWYO

05-29-2008, 10:07 AM	#29
Katy9532 XDTalk 100 Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: TX Posts: 207	I think that the title of you thread says you are not ready for this level of commitment. sorry bro

05-29-2008, 10:47 AM	#30
bowl443 XDTalk 100 Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: tx Posts: 118	I went thru something similar awhile back. Hurricane Rita destroyed my GF's house and she had nowhere else to go besides with me. I had been with her for about four years at that time and we had never seperated. We lived together for about a year before tying the knot. We are now married and everything is great. We never fight and rarely even argue at all. Now having said all this, I had been in long term relations in the past that I thought would turn into marriage. I was wrong. In my life, I have learned that if you can date for several years without ever breaking up, then you may have something. But if you and her have seperated in the past (especially for somthing trivial) then it will not last. I have been with current wife for a total of about six years and we have never even discussed seperating, anything that comes up can be talked about reasonably, and that sir, is the key.

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