Girlfriend is moving in tommorow... god help me.

[jcabin]

we've talked about marriage, more so her bringing it up than me. We agreed to wait till after we both graduated college to get married atleast, though shes been pushing for to get engaged now recently. We both wont finish college for another couple years so... idk. I always wanted to wait till I had a decent amount of money saved up so I could give her a dream wedding and buy her a great big ring. She said she doesn't care about that stuff but I know she's just being sweet. I think I would be okay with getting married now, but I wouldn't feel right about having some cheesy wedding on a 500 dollar college kid budget

[Micky]

Originally Posted by DanTheEldest

All sermonizing and Christianizing aside (which I've been known to do), my opinion: if you love the girl, marry her and then move her in. There's no ambiguousness about the relationship, and you'd be surprised at the real feeling of freedom that comes with that. Also offered up for consideration, I can't find the exact study right now, but as bad as our current divorce rate is in this country, it gets significantly worse when the couple in question lived together prior to marriage as compared to those who didn't.

And, my friend, the "evil thoughts" never stop, even for the most committed of us. That's where you step up and stay with your lady no matter how fine the T&A walking past happens to be.

Just my .02, humbly offered.

Good advice!

[SpringfieldXD.40]

Well, as much as I respect other member's opinions, there is no need for you two to rush out and get married. I am in a similar situation, just a few years ahead of you. I, too, have been dating the same girl on and off since high school (more ON than off). We are both now 24. We have been living together for the better part of five years and life is grand. I'm sure marriage is wonderful, but it certainly isn't the only path to happiness. You go ahead and move in with your lady, if anyone needs to be considering marriage, its me and my Ol' Lady.

[one-non-blonde]

Time for a woman's prospective.... How do you know you are her ideal person? How do you know she wants to spend the rest of her life with you?? (just playing devil's advocate here for a minute...humor me)...

If you can have an open dialog about everything then that is a good start. Sometimes when you have been in a relationship with someone, it becomes 'comfortable'..to stay with the known or to step out to the unknown. Stepping out is scary to most people. That's why many are unhappy because they would rather stay in the comfort zone of what is known.

I have been through a situation in my 24 years with my husband where 'evil thoughts' played a big part in almost ending the whole thing. Even though a person is married, that does not stop the temptation. It's more devastating to have the marriage vows broken...

How did she handle it when you broke up the first time to date other women? I am sure in the back of her mind, she is thinking "will this happen again?" I would be. You said you feel caged in - then you are not ready for marriage....

Do I believe in marriage - absolutely. But don't do it until you get things ironed out. When you both are honest, you might be surprised by what you hear....

[FunkyD]

I'm also with Dan, Bill, et. al. Moral issues aside, the statistics bare out that couples who live together have a greater chance of breaking up (twice the rate, I think, but not 100% sure of that number) than couples who marry first.

You may want to think long and hard about it and ask one question. What would happen if you let her get away? It took me awhile to arrive at the decision to marry my sweetheart, but once done, I actually wondered why that was so difficult (the past 14½ years have been awesome). Fortunately, she was patient, but was starting to run low. If I had blown it, I would have regretted it for the rest of my life.

Be sure to talk all of this out with her. The 3 best things in a relationship are communication, communication, and communication.

Marriage is a difficult decision for sure, but this is the time to think about it long and hard. Absolutely best wishes, man.

[DRH]

The answer to your problem is in the title to your thread. Pray in earnest that His will be done.

Blessings to you both and I will pray for God to give you the answer that you will be in peace about.

[Carnivorous]

Originally Posted by one-non-blonde

Do I believe in marriage - absolutely. But don't do it until you get things ironed out. When you both are honest, you might be surprised by what you hear....

I disagree...

You said earlier that you think this is the girl you want to marry. I completely agree with everyone who said you should do it now. Well, ask yourself this: what's going to have to change for you to make up your mind? "More time" is the wrong answer, you've known her for a very, very long time. Do you want a better expression of her commitment to you than her helping you kick the habit? What on earth could that be?

I dated my current wife for all of 3 months before proposing. A lot of people told me I was insane. We'd been close friends for years, though, so there wasn't much I didn't know. And yeah, the "evil thoughts" are always there. And to tell you the truth, as soon as I bought the ring, my first impulse was to return it and run like hell. It's a scary, scary feeling.

Unless you're super-religious, marriages can fall apart. Vows aren't glue. BUT they're a lot harder to break than the "boyfriend/girlfriend" tags. And sure, you'll screw up, maybe screw around, and definitely be a lot less of a husband (at times) than you planned. That's normal, we all do it.

Don't worry about the wedding, we spent far too much on ours. Even the things *I* cared about spending money on at the time are ridiculous in retrospect. I want that money back.

Don't worry about the ring, either! Bigger is not always better, and a nice place will usually give you good financing. Just make sure you pick out one that fits her style... some women don't like certain cuts (the fancier ones; I haven't heard of anyone who doesn't like the standard "brilliant" cut).

At the end of the day, you don't even have to have a ring to propose. My father did it with a bicycle (his car broke down on his way to propose, so he rode the bike the rest of the way to my mother's house). You said that she's talked about marriage before... it will definitely be the shock of her life if you propose, even without a ring, but it sounds like she wants it. She might be having similar feelings about moving in; it sounds like this isn't how she would want to move in, and she may be of the "not 'till marriage" mindset deep in her heart, but has no choice. Engagement is a good way to split the difference: ENGAGEMENT IS NOT MARRIAGE! You can get engaged now and get married when she graduates, that's perfectly fine.

(And, word to the wise, if you wait too long, this time she'll be the one leaving.)

Bottom line, of my unsolicited advice, is that when you actually do get engaged several months/years down the line, you may just regret not doing it earlier and wasting everyone's time. There's a lot of heartache (especially for her) in the "living together but just dating" relationship when you don't know how serious the other person is.

GOOD LUCK!

[G McBride]

There could be financial advantages for you to marry now while you are finishing school. The two of you may then qualify for low interest loans or possibly even grants for school.

I have been married to my high school sweetheart for 38 years now and could not imagine not having her with me. It does take some work on both sides to make things last. If you are truly ready to commit then marry the girl if she will have you.

[Bill in San Jose]

Originally Posted by jcabin

we've talked about marriage

We agreed to wait till after we both graduated college

We both wont finish college for another couple years so... idk.

I always wanted to wait till I had a decent amount of money saved up so I could give her a dream wedding and buy her a great big ring.

but I wouldn't feel right about having some cheesy wedding on a 500 dollar college kid budget

Go to your local city hall, get the paperwork, take the blood tests, and have the JP marry you there. 1 witness, maybe immediate family present if you want. No muss, no fuss, no cost.

My kid brother's getting married this Friday in city hall in New York City, it's his second and her first, she's a German national living in the US for several years. I'm in Cali, her family's in German. She asked him, "do you want to put a new kitchen addition on our house (he owns it already), or pay the $$ for a champaigne toast and a 1st dance. Dinner at a nice restaurant on Friday night. I wish them the best.

You have a situation out of your control (her parents loosing their house), you need to be able to react in life.

Find me one guy who the morning of his wedding didn't ask himself if he was doing the right thing? My wife is not prefect, but neither am I either. Best decision I ever made. And we were married 1 year before I finished college, my Mom made a snippy comment that 'now Billy will never finish college'. I finished that degree, then two more masters degrees while we have been married.

Give it a thought, man. Do it right the 1st time.

PM me with a phone #, I'll call you over the w/e if you want to talk it out.

[m9fan]

As usual, I agree with Dan. And I also agree with "Don from Texas". Kudos to both of you gentlemen!