Taking The Wife Golfing - XDTalk Forums - Your HS2000/SA-XD Information Source!

hacker15 · 04-23-2008, 11:39 AM

This fellow's wife was constantly nagging him to teach her to play golf. Finally, one morning he relented and off they go. First hole: Par 3, 179 yards, very pretty. The husband steps up first and says, "Now watch me, and do the same thing." He hits a beautiful shot, lands on the green with about 30 feet to the cup.

The wife steps up, drills it, hooks it, and it ricochets off a tree, bounces off a rock and rolls up onto the green and drops into the cup. The husband looks at this, and says, "OK, now you know how to play, let's go home."

akhimark · 04-23-2008, 12:16 PM

A man and his wife are playing golf. She is waiting at the ladies tee while he hits his drive. His shot hits her in the head and kills her.

At the hospital the Dr asked about the golf ball wedged in her but cheeks. The man says, "Oh, that was my mulligan."

**jmichna** · 04-23-2008, 12:24 PM

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball... stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. "That's when I made my mistake."

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like yours!"

**jmichna** · 04-23-2008, 12:26 PM

One day a man and his wife went golfing, as they frequently did together. They arrived at the 12th hole where the husband promptly hit a tremendous slice that ended up behind an old barn. "I guess I'll just have to play it safe and chip it onto the fairway," said the man.

"No wait," said his wife. "You can hit the ball through the barn."

The man decided to give it a try. But he sliced the ball, which ricocheted off the barn and struck his wife in the head, killing her instantly. The man was distraught and wallowed in his misery for many weeks, depriving himself of golf the whole time.

Eventually he realized that he must face his demons and headed out to the very same golf course to play. Once again he found himself at the 12th hole and once again he hit a slice right behind the very same barn. As he was preparing to hit out safely to the fairway one of the other players in his foursome asked if he wanted to try and hit it through the barn.

"Oh no," replied the man, horrified. "I tried that last time. It was terrible!"

"What happened?"

"I shot an 8!"

thebigx · 04-23-2008, 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmichna

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball... stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. "That's when I made my mistake."

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like yours!"

BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

**jnclement** · 04-23-2008, 12:26 PM

A man rushes up to the pro shop, jumps out, and tells the pro "my wife was stung by a wasp!" The pro asks "where?" The man says "between the 1st and second hole! What should I do?"

The pro says "tell her her stance is too wide........."

04-23-2008, 11:39 AM	#1
hacker15 XDTalk 3K Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Upstate, NY Posts: 3,600	Taking The Wife Golfing This fellow's wife was constantly nagging him to teach her to play golf. Finally, one morning he relented and off they go. First hole: Par 3, 179 yards, very pretty. The husband steps up first and says, "Now watch me, and do the same thing." He hits a beautiful shot, lands on the green with about 30 feet to the cup. The wife steps up, drills it, hooks it, and it ricochets off a tree, bounces off a rock and rolls up onto the green and drops into the cup. The husband looks at this, and says, "OK, now you know how to play, let's go home." __________________ If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. Mark Twain

04-23-2008, 12:24 PM	#3
jmichna XDTalk 2K Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: NE Illinois Posts: 2,503	A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball... stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. "That's when I made my mistake." "What did you do?" asks the doctor. "Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like yours!" __________________ "Enlightened statesmen will not always be at the helm." - James Madison, Federalist No. 10 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "The inherent vice of Capitalism is the unequal distribution of blessings, the inherent vice of Socialism is the equal distribution of misery." - Sir Winston Churchill

04-23-2008, 12:26 PM	#4
jmichna XDTalk 2K Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: NE Illinois Posts: 2,503	One day a man and his wife went golfing, as they frequently did together. They arrived at the 12th hole where the husband promptly hit a tremendous slice that ended up behind an old barn. "I guess I'll just have to play it safe and chip it onto the fairway," said the man. "No wait," said his wife. "You can hit the ball through the barn." The man decided to give it a try. But he sliced the ball, which ricocheted off the barn and struck his wife in the head, killing her instantly. The man was distraught and wallowed in his misery for many weeks, depriving himself of golf the whole time. Eventually he realized that he must face his demons and headed out to the very same golf course to play. Once again he found himself at the 12th hole and once again he hit a slice right behind the very same barn. As he was preparing to hit out safely to the fairway one of the other players in his foursome asked if he wanted to try and hit it through the barn. "Oh no," replied the man, horrified. "I tried that last time. It was terrible!" "What happened?" "I shot an 8!" __________________ "Enlightened statesmen will not always be at the helm." - James Madison, Federalist No. 10 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "The inherent vice of Capitalism is the unequal distribution of blessings, the inherent vice of Socialism is the equal distribution of misery." - Sir Winston Churchill

04-23-2008, 12:26 PM	#6
jnclement XDTalk 2K Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: West Texas Posts: 2,599	A man rushes up to the pro shop, jumps out, and tells the pro "my wife was stung by a wasp!" The pro asks "where?" The man says "between the 1st and second hole! What should I do?" The pro says "tell her her stance is too wide........." __________________ Contrary to what sells magazines, not all of us are, or want to be SpecOps, SEAL, Recon, Delta, CQB, Ninja, firearm-knife-tactical-death-touch instructors.

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04-23-2008, 12:16 PM	#2
akhimark XDTalk 100 Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: York, SC Posts: 471	A man and his wife are playing golf. She is waiting at the ladies tee while he hits his drive. His shot hits her in the head and kills her. At the hospital the Dr asked about the golf ball wedged in her but cheeks. The man says, "Oh, that was my mulligan."