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04-04-2008, 01:41 PM
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#1 |
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Deputy Sheriff
  
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Rural Americans - Jokingly Told
THE RULES OF RURAL AMERICA ARE AS FOLLOWS:
Listen up City Slickers !!!! 1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot. 2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked. 3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way. 4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? Rt. 70 goes east and west, I-65 goes north and south. Pick one. 5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000 corn pickers and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year. 6. So every person in small country communities waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept. 7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. 8. Yeah, we eat tater & gravy, beans & cornbread. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop. 9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. 10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age. 11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey. 12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup. Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! 13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. 14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair. 15. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and more fun to watch. 16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish. 17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities, Community Colleges, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come home for the holidays. 18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best. 19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to #1. 20. 4 inches isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska, worst case, you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades will have you out the next day. Ed 
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"The greatest calamity which could befall us would be submission to a government of unlimited powers". Thomas Jefferson |
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04-04-2008, 02:26 PM
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#3 |
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XDTalk 5K Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 8,231
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I'm a child of the West's wide open spaces, but as I look around there's a lot to be said for moving to the South. Good post.
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The AK-47: Designed to be easily field stripped, reassembled, and used by half-drunk, half-frozen, illiterate conscripts. Standard Operating Procedure upon finding one buried in Mother Russia's mud after last year's Regimental exercises: retrieve from ground, pee into action, cycle bolt, and get back to work. If it is evil in your eyes to serve the LORD, then choose this day whom you will serve....but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD." --Joshua 24:15-16 |
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04-04-2008, 05:58 PM
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#5 |
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XDTalk 500 Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Cincinnati
Posts: 713
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I know plenty of people from "rural" areas that start drooling when the conversation turns to Cincinnati chili. And ribs. And ice cream. A lot of drool during the ice cream talk....mmmmm Graeter's.
DD
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"The military is for fighting the enemies of the state. The police are there to defend and protect the people. When the military becomes the police, the enemies of the state become the people." - Commander Adama, The New Battlestar Galactica |
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04-04-2008, 08:21 PM
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#6 |
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XDTalk 1K Member
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OK, I just looked up Cincinnati chili cuz I have never heard of such.
What I found I couldn't believe. I just don't know what else to say. 
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This is a perilous time, and more than ever, the world needs a united and strong America. If, God forbid, we live to see Mr. Obama president, we will live through a socialist era that America has not seen before, and our country will be weakened in every way. - Jon Voight |
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04-04-2008, 09:08 PM
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#7 | |
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XDTalk 500 Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: NC
Posts: 744
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Quote:
Every time I see "ice cream" mentioned anymore, I'll think of this video   YouTube - Chimps on Penguins
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EW® I ain't the expert, but I've made a lot of the wrong decisions!   If Homicide Is Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Commit Homicide
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