Condensed Version of History...

[evocrazy]

Something my father sent me....

For those who don't know much about history...... here is a condensed
version.

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during he summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were:

1. The invention of beer, and

2. The invention of the wheel.

The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the
foundations of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for
the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals

2. Conservatives

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to
be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at
night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is
known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing
the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements
include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy,
group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to
divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized
by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish, but like
their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal
fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women
have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,
personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical workers, police
officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers
and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. The
liberals crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business
of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history....... It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above.

A Conservative will simply laugh and knowing the absolute truth of this
history, he will forward it immediately to other true believers and to
more liberals just to piss them off....

[Tomcat088]

I say to you, well done sir, lol. Nice

[shikkie]

But... I Like sushi....

[theRealHP]

Awesome, and also truthful.

[mhillsing23]

Gotta' keep that one. Thanks!

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

-Benjamin Franklin

[JeffXD]

Originally Posted by evocrazy

Some noteworthy liberal achievements
include the domestication of cats,

Now I have to take issue with this one. I like cats and I aint no girlie man or liberal.

[evocrazy]

Originally Posted by shikkie

But... I Like sushi....

Me too I lived in Okinawa, Japan for 10 yrs and my wife is Japanese. I Eat Sushi all the time!

Originally Posted by JeffXD

Now I have to take issue with this one. I like cats and I aint no girlie man or liberal.

Well can't say I am too crazy about cats but then again I didn't write it I just posted it!

[Pharmakon]

A good joke has to have elements of truth and this is freaking hilarious.

[jeepinbanditrider]

So since I like Heniken does that make me a Liberal?????? I'm a Marine so that makes up for it right?

[Pharmakon]

Originally Posted by jeepinbanditrider

So since I like Heniken does that make me a Liberal?????? I'm a Marine so that makes up for it right?

Hey I only drink imported beer unless it's Sam Adams andI love sushi. And I think Barry Goldwater was a freaking communist. [/sarcasm]