Um...there's a snake here, sir. - XDTalk Forums - Your HS2000/SA-XD Information Source!

**DanTheEldest** · 11-11-2007, 08:43 PM

Happy Veteran's Day to all those who either served or are currently serving in the greatest military on the planet.

For a bit of levity on this hallowed day, I resurrect the immortal...

Upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations (AO)...

Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.

Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.

Armor: Drives over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.

Aviation: Has 12-digit grid coordinates of snake from GPS. FAC gives steer to target. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicure.

Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.

Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a success and all participants (inc. cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.

Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous claim for travel pay settlement upon return.

Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in obscure 5 series Field Manual about how to defeat snake using countermobility assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake ops.

Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites SEAL and retreats to safety.

Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force projection.

Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations.

Marine Recon: Follows snake, gets lost.

Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere.

Para-Rescue Jumper: Wounds snake in initial encounter, then works feverishly to save snake's life.

Supply: (NOTICE Your anti-snake equipment is backordered.)

Transport pilot: Air-drops expired snakebite kits two grid squares away on roof of children's hospital.

F-15 pilot: Misidentifies snake as enemy Mi-24 Hind helicopter and engages with missiles. Crew chief paints snake kill on aircraft fuselage.

F-16 pilot: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, misses snake target, demolishes embassy 4 km east of snake due to weather. Cites inclement weather (Too Hot, Too Cold, Clear but overcast, Too dry with Rain, Unlimited ceiling with low cloud cover etc.) Suggests procurement of million-dollar, air-to-ground anti-snake bomb.

AH-64 Apache pilot: Unable to locate snake, cold-blooded snakes don't show well on infrared. Infrared only operable in desert AOs without power lines or SAMs.

UH-60 Blackhawk pilot: Finds snake on fourth pass after snake builds bonfire, pops smoke, lays out VS-17 to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into fire.

B-52 pilot: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every other living thing within two miles of target.

Missile crew: Lays in target coordinates to snake in 20 seconds, but can't receive authorization from National Command Authority to use weapons.

Intelligence officer: Snake? What snake? Only four of 35 indicators of snake activity are currently active. We assess the potential for snake activity as LOW.

Judge Advocate General (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing grounds of professional courtesy.

gkelley3 · 11-12-2007, 04:20 AM

Lol!!!!!!

**Pharmakon** · 11-12-2007, 09:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanTheEldest

Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a success and all participants (inc. cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.

Rock!

I saw a field artillery demonstration @ Ft.Hood when I was a young brat and it was the coolest thing I'd ever seen. To this day I still have a semi-healthy affinity for explosions.
My Father who was a battalion commander always said the best way to win at urban warfare is to evacuate the civilians and remove the city.

Crazy old man.

USMC-8154TL/DM · 11-12-2007, 09:18 AM

pretty good the dan

The Knight Of Light · 11-12-2007, 09:22 AM

Ishpeck · 11-12-2007, 10:18 AM

Marinebunny is teh awesome.

**trelane** · 11-12-2007, 10:57 AM

I declare this thread to be full of awesome and heartily approve of all involved.

jeepinbanditrider · 11-12-2007, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Knight Of Light

That is freakin' awsome

hacker15 · 11-12-2007, 04:00 PM

LMAO! Great - stole it and sent it on to my ex-GI buddies.....

darkvibe · 11-12-2007, 04:13 PM

best joke in a long time!

11-11-2007, 08:43 PM	#1
DanTheEldest XDTalk 5K Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Phoenix, AZ Posts: 6,499	Um...there's a snake here, sir. Happy Veteran's Day to all those who either served or are currently serving in the greatest military on the planet. For a bit of levity on this hallowed day, I resurrect the immortal... Upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations (AO)... Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area. Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake. Armor: Drives over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes. Aviation: Has 12-digit grid coordinates of snake from GPS. FAC gives steer to target. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicure. Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it. Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a success and all participants (inc. cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars. Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous claim for travel pay settlement upon return. Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in obscure 5 series Field Manual about how to defeat snake using countermobility assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake ops. Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites SEAL and retreats to safety. Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force projection. Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations. Marine Recon: Follows snake, gets lost. Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere. Para-Rescue Jumper: Wounds snake in initial encounter, then works feverishly to save snake's life. Supply: (NOTICE Your anti-snake equipment is backordered.) Transport pilot: Air-drops expired snakebite kits two grid squares away on roof of children's hospital. F-15 pilot: Misidentifies snake as enemy Mi-24 Hind helicopter and engages with missiles. Crew chief paints snake kill on aircraft fuselage. F-16 pilot: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, misses snake target, demolishes embassy 4 km east of snake due to weather. Cites inclement weather (Too Hot, Too Cold, Clear but overcast, Too dry with Rain, Unlimited ceiling with low cloud cover etc.) Suggests procurement of million-dollar, air-to-ground anti-snake bomb. AH-64 Apache pilot: Unable to locate snake, cold-blooded snakes don't show well on infrared. Infrared only operable in desert AOs without power lines or SAMs. UH-60 Blackhawk pilot: Finds snake on fourth pass after snake builds bonfire, pops smoke, lays out VS-17 to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into fire. B-52 pilot: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every other living thing within two miles of target. Missile crew: Lays in target coordinates to snake in 20 seconds, but can't receive authorization from National Command Authority to use weapons. Intelligence officer: Snake? What snake? Only four of 35 indicators of snake activity are currently active. We assess the potential for snake activity as LOW. Judge Advocate General (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing grounds of professional courtesy. __________________ The only things more disturbing than the base ideologies of the new President are the lengths to which his supporters and apologists will go to try to convince themselves and the rest of us that he's not exactly who he says he is. The American abortion industry: helping rid the tired, huddled masses of their inconveniences and mistakes for four decades now. (But it's okay--the unborn aren't actually humans. What they are, we're not sure--but they're definitely not people.) Last edited by DanTheEldest; 11-11-2007 at 08:47 PM.

11-12-2007, 04:20 AM	#2
gkelley3 XDTalk 3K Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Tampa, FL Posts: 3,746	Lol!!!!!! __________________ "Better to fight for something than live for nothing." Gen. George S. Patton

11-12-2007, 09:18 AM	#4
USMC-8154TL/DM XDTalk 5K Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: NE Louisiana Posts: 6,987	pretty good the dan __________________ Time is neither fast nor slow - it has been the same since the begining of Time - Originally Quoted By Me Link to my bolt knobs for sale. http://www.bigrivertactical.com/cata...32/5933264.htm or http://www.brownells.com/aspx/NS/sto...%20BOLT%20KNOB

11-12-2007, 09:22 AM	#5
The Knight Of Light XDTalk 5K Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Omaha, Nebraska(sublocated at a Sandy location far, far away) Posts: 8,868 Blog Entries: 13	__________________ No Matter Where You Go, There You Are. USPSA #L3077 What a great number!!! http://theknightoflight.blogspot.com/ Creator of TOP 'O' THE PAGE!!! Moose Fight

11-12-2007, 10:18 AM	#6
Ishpeck XDTalk 4K Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Earth Posts: 4,204	Marinebunny is teh awesome. __________________ When given a chance to issue letters of marque and reprisal against Bin Laden, Congress voted against it and instead, voted the Patriot Act into law. Tells you who they think their real enemies are. http://www.ishpeck.net/

11-12-2007, 10:57 AM	#7
trelane XDTalk 100 Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Indianapolis, IN Posts: 217	I declare this thread to be full of awesome and heartily approve of all involved. __________________ SA XD .45 ACP Tactical Compact (311 rounds, "FAT" DGR) \| KIMBER STAINLESS PRO CARRY II (107 Rounds) Russian '53 \| SKS Russian '43 91/30 \| SA XD .45 ACP Service (now sold) NRA Member 153292899 \| Indiana CCW Permit Holder "Fear is the father of servitude, and the captor of man. There cannot be slavery without fear, nor freedom with it."

11-12-2007, 04:00 PM	#9
hacker15 XDTalk 3K Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Upstate, NY Posts: 3,603	LMAO! Great - stole it and sent it on to my ex-GI buddies..... __________________ If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. Mark Twain

11-12-2007, 04:13 PM	#10
darkvibe XDTalk 500 Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Rochester, NY Posts: 832	best joke in a long time! __________________ Springfield XD-40 Subcompact \| Kimber Eclipse Target II \| Ruger Mark II \| Kel-Tec P-3AT \| Browning Hi-Power Practical 9mm

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