(PV) The Real Reasons Why They Hate Us

[AZXD]

Hmmm, Maybe, just maybe, there's something to this thought. What do you think?

The Real Reasons Why They Hate Us

by Bill Barnwell

The following are excerpts from a secret transcript found in a remote cave in Afghanistan from the summer of 2000. The government and the military have kept these contents under wraps, but an anonymous source has leaked them to me. Now, I share with the world what we deserve to know. This report should finally put to rest the questions of why they hate us. It also vindicates 9/11 hero Rudy Giuliani and his scathing attack on that extremist nutball Ron Paul.

Osama: Hey, al-Zawahiri, come here! Look at this!

al-Zawahiri: What is it, Sheik? What are you reading?

Osama: I don’t know, it’s some Satanic document written in English telling all kinds of lies!

al-Zawahiri: Let me see that. Hmmm, I think I read about this in my studies. I think it’s called the constitution or something like that.

Osama: Constitution? And what is all this other ridiculous stuff attached to it?

al-Zawahiri: Those are called the Bill of Rights. They give the Americans certain freedoms.

Osama: Look at this blasphemy! It says that their government can’t make any law about an official state religion. May Allah curse these heretics!

al-Zawahiri: It gets even worse, it says that the Americans can have freedom of speech and freedom of the press!

Osama: All this freedom is making me sick. Who do these rebellious people think they are? Someone should teach the Great Satan a lesson!

al-Zawahiri: I hear that their women can even wear sinful clothing that doesn’t cover their entire bodies. Women over there can even have jobs and careers.

Osama: Are you serious? Don’t tell me they can vote too.

al-Zawahiri: I’m afraid they can. It’s a sick world we live in isn’t it?

Osama: May they be destroyed for their flagrant disregard of Sharia!

al-Zawahiri: And if you think that is bad, listen to this. Since they have no state religion over there they have the freedom to pick their own religion! Americans aren’t forced to be Muslims!

Osama: Are you kidding me?!?! May they be forced to bow in submission to Allah! What kind of nation let’s people choose what religion they can follow? They should be forced to follow Islam!

al-Zawahiri: I know. Totally. But you know what ticks me off even more than all their freedoms?

Osama: No. What is it?

al-Zawahiri: I am jealous that they are so stinkin’ rich. Those Americans are completely pampered and prosperous. It’s not fair.

Osama: You know, you’re right. It’s not fair that we have to carry out our operations in caves and they live their lives behind those nice little white picket fences.

al-Zawahiri: And their two car garages.

Osama: And three bedroom homes.

al-Zawahiri: Someone really needs to teach those people a lesson.

(pause)

Osama: Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

al-Zawahiri: That we should do it?

Osama: Why not? It has to be someone, why not us? Are we really going to sit back while the Americans make so much more money than us and practice all their little freedoms in our faces?

al-Zawahiri: I agree! If we can’t be rich and free, why should they? Who do they think they are!

Osama: Jihad! Jihad!

al-Zawahiri: Allahu Akbar!!!

Osama: It has seriously ticked me off how the Americans have meddled in our lands and affairs, however, I can handle that. But this Bill of Rights crap has really pushed me over the edge! I can’t tell you how angry I am! Once we impose Islam on those heretics we can impose it on the entire free world! We’ll stop this whole "freedom" movement from spreading!

al-Zawahiri: But Sheik, maybe we should aim a little lower first. Why not start with Amsterdam? Those evil people do whatever they want. They are free to do more sins than even the Americans. I bet they’d be an easier target. Or better yet, why not Canada? Let us make a big attack against the Canadians. They are just to the north of the Americans and have most of the same freedoms they do. But they have stricter gun control laws, so maybe they’ll be easier to rough up.

Osama: I don’t know Ayman, I’d rather just skip the appetizer and go straight for the main event, you know?

al-Zawahiri: That makes sense, but if we want to impose Islam on the world and stop these freedoms and riches from spreading, we should maybe start with some easier targets that are also freer and wealthier than us. We have members in these countries as well. Then we’ll get the Americans.

Osama: No, I want to get the Americans first. I just can’t stop looking at this First Amendment. I want to wipe the smirk off of their freedom-loving faces! Then we’ll see what their free press has to say about that!

al-Zawahiri: I guess you’re right. But can we stop talking about the Americans? I’m really struggling with my self-esteem and every time we talk about how rich and free they are it makes me feel inadequate. The other brothers agree with this as well.

Osama: OK, I’m sorry. But soon we will show the Americans that their freedom and wealth comes at a price. Then we will impose Islam on them for good measure to make sure that they are never free again!

al-Zawahiri: Sweet. I’ll get the brothers together. Let us draw up plans to make a strike.

(end of transcript)

Well, there you have it. They do in fact hate us because we are rich, free, and can choose our own religions. So now I’m asking all these crazy Blame America First types to shut up with their long and complicated discussions about geopolitics, Middle Eastern history, American foreign policy ramifications, and blowback. All that stuff just makes my head hurt anyway.

We need to just follow the K.I.S.S. principle – Keep It Simple, Stupid. And the simple fact of the matter is that we’re free, rich, and secular and thus are targets. There’s nothing more to add than this. Those who express more complicated opinions on the matter should be mocked, ostracized and ignored. Well, we should charge them with treason, but unfortunately we can’t. Maybe after Rudy Giuliani, who is the hero and saint of 9/11, wins the War on Terror we will be able to crack down on these nutty isolationists. Go Rudy!

P.S. If you found this column simplistic, silly and unfair, you are right. But it’s about as silly and simplistic as the official warmongering 9/11 talking-points regarding "why they hate us" that we’ve been told for the past 6 years. It’s also as silly as Giuliani’s supposedly brave rebuke of Ron Paul for daring to speak unmentionable facts regarding the more complicated nature of events surrounding the "war on terror." Keep It Simple Stupid indeed.

May 24, 2007

[Powerman]

At least I made it too the last paragraph. I was a bout to throw up.