Wife and I are seperating

[Son of Norway]

Not trying to crank things up but..."Let's separate" means "I found someone else I want to have sex with" to me. Most breakups happen when a mystery 3rd person is in the wings...

There are exceptions but keep your eyes and mind open. Sorry you have to go through it, hoping and praying for the best.

[jnclement]

www.retrouvaille.org. It works.

[Gravel]

Work with each other and figure out the problems and deal with them. I am sure there are several of us here that can tell you that it happens.. What you gotta do now is figure out what its gonna take to turn it around.

[magnumize]

Been there also.About 2 1/2 years ago,after 10 years married, my wife comes to me and said that she dosent want to be married anymore.That didnt hurt as much as knowing I wouldnt get to see my kids everyday,like normal.At the time my girl was 7 and my son was 4.To make a longgggg story short,we are still good friends and everyone has adjusted well.Its amazing how time DOES heal all.At the time a guy over at Glock talk was going thru the same thing,him and I talked alot.If you feel like you want to talk about it feel free to pm me.God bless my friend.

[thejoe]

Man, I can't imagine how difficult it is to have something as drastic as that happen in your marriage. But I will say that when you got married, you vowed to work on whatever came up. I know you know that... I'm not trying to tell you anything you didn't know. She vowed the same thing. So keep that in mind as you go through this. Be ready to put aside your hobbies, work (if need be--to an extent) and friends. Focus on her. Let her know that you are ready to buckle down and figure out what's up. Take her out for dinner in a neutral place so you can talk without all the interruptions of home. Pray for strength and wisdom non-stop.

I've never separated (only been married 3 years) but my wife and I have had our share of disagreements (like all newlyweds) stemming from money to my career, etc. Some of these have been major blow-ups that I didn't see coming. And I realized that my head was thick and I couldn't understand what she was saying about what was wrong. When I stopped defending my stupid self and tried as hard as possible to see it from her perspective, it worked out. So I would recommend that you drop pride for a second (some might say, "What is a man without pride?"--well, you and I both know that a man without a loving, supportive wife is less than a man who has pride), be humble, and accept responsibility for whatever is going on. If you do this, and turn around the problems with action, it will work out well. I can't make promises... sometimes there is more to the picture than we can know, but these are at least the first steps to getting things in line with your Mrs.

Blessings to you, my friend. May God give you humility and strength of purpose for the trial you're going through.

joe

[jtkratzer]

Separation doesn't mean divorce...things can work out, and they will if you both want them to.

I'm not pushing my beliefs on anyone, but it's worth a shot, what damage could it do - hit your knees and pray about it.

[SLCDave]

Buddy, I feel for you. Mid November on a Saturday night, my wife told me she was having a "girls night" at a friends house. I called over to the friends house to ask her something, and her friend said nothing was happening over there.

She called later on that night to check on our 2 1/2 year old, and acted as though everything was fine and she was having a good time at her friend's house. When I called her on it, her tone changed, and she said she would be home soon. 6 hours later, she came in and announced she wasn't sure she wanted to be married to me anymore. By Monday evening, we had made a list dividing everything we owned, we worked out a preliminary schedule for my daughter and she moved into a spare room in our house. We sold the house a few weeks later, and by the first of the year, we were each out on our own. The divorce would have happened sooner than it did if I was in any mental state to prepare the paperwork. We did it all on our own, no lawyers, no fighting.

Here's my advice, from my point of view. Take it for what its worth.

Do everything you can to work things out, if it is at all possible. My former wife is the type that, once she makes her mind up, nothing will sway her. I hope youe wife is more open to working things out. Mine was also sleeping with her boss. I hope yours hasn't made any decisions that poor.

Keep your child at the forefront of everything. You've made the decision to bring this child into this rotten world, and to give them the best chance of making it, they need both of you to be there for them with love, support and time. If you are able to make it work for the right reasons, it makes it easier on your kid. If you can't work it out, you need to have a decent relationship with your ex. I get along with mine pretty darn well, and it makes it a lot easier to ask for a variation in the schedule if you are on good terms. Never use your child's time with the other parent as leverage or as a bargaining chip. Never talk bad about the other parent when the other child is around. They need to be able to love and trust both parents, and if one undermines the other, it only harms the child. You need to make and set rules with your ex that both of you will stand behind.

If you can't work things out, I'm not going to lie to you. The time you spend away from your kid, at first, is really going to suck. You need to learn to keep yourself busy, and try to do it in ways that are not self-destructive. When you do have your kid, make the time together quality time. Do the shopping, oil changes, and all the other crap during times when you don't have your kid. Also, resist the urge to spoil them too much when they are with you. More than vacations and gifts and candy, they need their dad, and the love and time that you can give them. They need boundaries and rules, too.

I hope you can work things out. I wouldn't wish divorce on anyone, and mine was better that most. You'll be in my prayers.

[stroker]

SEEK ADVISE FROM THE LORD. Take it to the LORD in PRAYER.

[Requiem4Senses]

Originally Posted by jtkratzer

I'm not pushing my beliefs on anyone, but it's worth a shot, what damage could it do - hit your knees and pray about it.

Originally Posted by stroker

SEEK ADVISE FROM THE LORD. Take it to the LORD in PRAYER.

These gentlemen express my thoughts exactly. Separation does not have to mean divorce, and if I were you, I would just not think about what to do "when" the divorce happens. Rather, I would put all that energy into spending time with your child and trying to make the marriage work.

Unfortunately, many secular counselors advise people based on the theory that divorce is okay, and may decide its inevitable. If you're spiritual, and maybe even if you aren't, go to a Pastor or other spiritual leader for marriage counseling. Normally, in their opinion, divorce is never an option, therefore they seem to know how to make relationships work. I know because this is how it worked for me. My wife and I are still married because we had the grace of God and a good pastor to help us through some tough times.

[papa_z]

Im going to put this as plain and simple as i know how...I have never been devorced so i am not at all going to say much about it because i am married for the last 5 yrs but i do know this that the majority of people who devorce for another person ends up regretting it in the majority of cases for the rest of your lives....I have watched it time and time again and recently i thought my marriage had came to the end because of a really bad fight with my wife not Physical but a very severe war of words and now we are better than we had ever been and that just happened about 3 weeks ago so bro stick it out untill you know that there is no hope left and then stick it out a little more!!! Untill she tells you its over stay the course you will be glad ya did!!!!If she decides its over and tells you so Im sorry but I can promise you most that break off a relationship(especially when another is involved with someone new) not saying this is the case here but trust me when i tell you they end up regretting it the rest of there lives and always wish they had never made the mistake of wanting to leave!!!!Dont quit bro,find out what the problem is and then fix it one way or another!!!! Good luck to you and if ya wanna use someone for a sounding board its best to use someone you never even met that way there is no biast in the situation!!!Untill next time my friend may God bless you and your family richly and keep you together is always my parayer!!!!