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12-10-2006, 04:45 PM
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#1 |
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XDTalk 10K Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Mid-Missouri
Posts: 12,104
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Dear Santa...
 DEAR SANTA... Dear Santa I wood like a cool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer yer Frend, BiLLy >-------------------------------------- Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! Santa >-------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah >------------------------------------------- Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa >---------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do? Love, Teddy >------------------------------------------------------------ Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa >------------------------------------------------ Dear Santa, I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis >------------------------------------------------------ Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay, I'll set you up with a Barbie. Santa -------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan >-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Susan, Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch. Santa >------------------------------------------------------ Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas >---------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Thomas, All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Miami, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know. Santa >-------------- ---------------------------------- Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica >--------------------------------------------- Dear Jessica, Are you really that gullible or are you just a Blonde? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Santa >------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one? Timmy >---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Timmy, That whiney begging sh?t may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa >---------------------------------------------------- Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? Love, Marky >------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mark, first, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams, Santa
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~SC Harvey~  Because Fritz says so! "Though the flame of liberty may sometimes cease to shine, the coal can never expire." Thomas Paine, The American Crisis, #1, December 23, 1776 http://mikeharvey.org/ RON PAUL IN 2008 |
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12-10-2006, 04:48 PM
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#2 |
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XDTalk 4K Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Crackron, Ohio
Posts: 4,482
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I have seen that like 100 times.
And, I must say, it never gets old!! BWAAHAA!! 
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"I've seen tighter groups from a shotgun." |
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12-10-2006, 04:53 PM
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#3 |
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XDTalk 1K Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Brevard Co., FL
Posts: 1,575
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I love that . . . that version is a little cleaner than the one my aunt sent me though.
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"I'm not a nerd, I'm a jock that's too cool for sports!" - Bart Simpson
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12-10-2006, 05:56 PM
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#4 |
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XDTalk 100 Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Central Cali
Posts: 333
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coolio
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Jeremiah SA-XD 40 two tone, service Shoot to kill not to harm! 
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12-10-2006, 07:30 PM
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#5 |
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XDTalk 5K Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Maud, Oklahoma
Posts: 9,603
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I always knew that Santa was a Scotch man.
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