Getting your wife to be OK with CCW.....

[zane]

I got married last month, and my wife is ok with my guns and me shooting. She worries about my safety but she knows my shooting buddies and I are responsible and take shooting seriously.

I've never CCW'ed but I definitely want to, and I'm looking to get my permit in the near future. I'll also be buying a compact 9mm to carry.

The big question is: How do I get my wife to be comfortable with this?

I've explained to her that it's for her safety, as well as my safety and that of the people around me..... I've explained to her it's not to be in a fight but to avoid one..... and I've tried to convince her that it's not going to be unsafe as long as I have the right weapon and holster......

She mentioned accidental discharges, and I brought up the weapon/holster choice but she's still not convinced. She's just uncomfortable with it, not against it but just worried about the safety aspect.

Any advice?

[hacker15]

Keep pleading. It won't work, but sooner or later, she'll get sick of listening to you and stop noticing when you carry.

[DanTheEldest]

Does she shoot? Some of the unease might be relieved if she accompanied you to the range a few times and the mystery is removed. Nothing changes minds faster than some pleasant personal experiences.

[mgeoffriau]

Be a man. Tell her to worry more about the dirty dishes and dirty clothes and less about whatever you choose to do.

Just kidding (but not really).

Actually, I would just continue to talk to her about, do whatever you can to alleviate her fears. At the end of the day, though, you've got to weigh your own responsibility as to whether it's more important to keep your wife happy or to keep your wife alive.

[jednp]

ask her if cops with guns are dangerous. Cops go around all day long with loaded guns, and they don't just go off. They really aren't any less trained than you are at handling a gun as far as the basics go. True, they may have more training as far as tactics, but as long as you follow the basic safety rules you will be fine. I think she equates carrying around a loaded gun, as something that will just fire off at any given time without warning. Inform her also that there's no accidental discharge unless the gun completely fails.

Other than that, I suggest you inform her that it's for yours and her safety. Tell her that you love her too much to ever allow something bad to happen to her. You're not about to go out and be all macho to defend her honor over someone calling her a name when you're out and about, and you're not about to use it because someone mouths off to you, or any other stupid scenerio that people get worked up about. It is for one and only one thing, when hers or your life is threatened. Ask her if she'd rather you or her die, without having a chance to defend yourself to the fullest extent, than take a chance carrying a gun knowing you understand all the safety rules, and all the laws pertaining to it. Is she willing to let a man with a gun pointed at her or you, do whatever he wants even though he claims "i only want your wallet"? Sure, you can take the wallet, the jewelry, whatever you want. But what if it's your life he wants? the way i see it is I learned in 4th grade hunters safety, that you do not point a gun at any object unless you intend to destroy it. so if you're pointing a gun at me, I think you want to destroy me.

You can be sitting in a restaurant minding your own business eating your dinner, and a man may walk in and start shooting up the place. You can take the viewpoint of "as long as the gun doesn't come toward us, we're safe", and nobody would fault you for doing so. self defense is all about self preservation. Sure, you don't want others to get hurt, but if your life is in danger defending others, sometimes you have to worry about yourself. But what are you going to do if someone does this? Cowering in a corner hiding won't help you one bit once that gun is on you. There is no defense against someone hell bent on taking your life, except fighting back. If at all possible, I don't want to have to bring fists to a gun fight. She has to come to an understanding that there are situations across this country every day that threaten people's lives. It's not to say you need to walk around paranoid, but one has to be aware that there are dangers out there. You carry a gun in case danger finds you, not because you hope it finds you, or you want to find danger. You have to be prepared to run teh other way if possible before you even think of shooting that gun. Once she understands all this, she may be more comfortable with it. If it were me, I'd simply say I respect your opinion, but I'm sorry I have to do what I have to do.

[tzakrzewski]

Originally Posted by jednp

ask her if cops with guns are dangerous. Cops go around all day long with loaded guns, and they don't just go off. They really aren't any less trained than you are at handling a gun as far as the basics go. True, they may have more training as far as tactics, but as long as you follow the basic safety rules you will be fine. I think she equates carrying around a loaded gun, as something that will just fire off at any given time without warning. Inform her also that there's no accidental discharge unless the gun completely fails.

Other than that, I suggest you inform her that it's for yours and her safety. Tell her that you love her too much to ever allow something bad to happen to her. You're not about to go out and be all macho to defend her honor over someone calling her a name when you're out and about, and you're not about to use it because someone mouths off to you, or any other stupid scenerio that people get worked up about. It is for one and only one thing, when hers or your life is threatened. Ask her if she'd rather you or her die, without having a chance to defend yourself to the fullest extent, than take a chance carrying a gun knowing you understand all the safety rules, and all the laws pertaining to it. Is she willing to let a man with a gun pointed at her or you, do whatever he wants even though he claims "i only want your wallet"? Sure, you can take the wallet, the jewelry, whatever you want. But what if it's your life he wants? the way i see it is I learned in 4th grade hunters safety, that you do not point a gun at any object unless you intend to destroy it. so if you're pointing a gun at me, I think you want to destroy me.

You can be sitting in a restaurant minding your own business eating your dinner, and a man may walk in and start shooting up the place. You can take the viewpoint of "as long as the gun doesn't come toward us, we're safe", and nobody would fault you for doing so. self defense is all about self preservation. Sure, you don't want others to get hurt, but if your life is in danger defending others, sometimes you have to worry about yourself. But what are you going to do if someone does this? Cowering in a corner hiding won't help you one bit once that gun is on you. There is no defense against someone hell bent on taking your life, except fighting back. If at all possible, I don't want to have to bring fists to a gun fight. She has to come to an understanding that there are situations across this country every day that threaten people's lives. It's not to say you need to walk around paranoid, but one has to be aware that there are dangers out there. You carry a gun in case danger finds you, not because you hope it finds you, or you want to find danger. You have to be prepared to run teh other way if possible before you even think of shooting that gun. Once she understands all this, she may be more comfortable with it. If it were me, I'd simply say I respect your opinion, but I'm sorry I have to do what I have to do.

+1

All good reasons.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

[Broadside]

Getting a CCW is a greater responsibility then just you’re regular Joe on the street. You go through training learn to use a firearm, get a license or permit and are prepared to defend yourself or maybe someone else. One thing I would share with her is LE has a responsibility to protect the public not any one individual (Supreme Court Ruling). So it is really up to you and her for your own safety. Unfortunately LE is more reactive to crime then proactive due to the number/volume and type of calls. When I was a Deputy Sheriff it could take up to 45 minutes for me to show up from the time of the call. A lot can happen in 45 minutes or even 10 minutes as I was running code from one side of the county to the other.


A good example is we had a shooting Wednesday near my house. An illegal alien got into an argument with a fellow illegal alien construction worker. He went to his vehicle and retrieved a gun then shot the co-worker dead. He then took off in his car and the cops were searching every where for him. The schools went to lock down, cops searched local businesses and some businesses locked the doors. The people en mass near the shooting which had no way to defend them were scared. They were relying on LE for protection and safety; of course LE was doing everything possible to ensure public safety. Multiple LE agencies were involved searching and looking for the shooter. BUT again that was public safety they were not standing guard protecting any one person or group of people. My wife sometimes gives me grief when I carry and on Wednesday as we walked out the door heading to our son's football practice she asked if I was carrying.


A concealed weapon is just that you are not going to brandish, draw, and show or tell anyone you are carrying. The only time the gun comes out of the holster other then cleaning/storage is if you are facing the use of deadly force situation. The negligent discharge still exists and does happen. My Field Training Officer shot himself in the foot so it's not just civilians it's everyone. A smart CCW holder will avoid confrontation if possible, call 911 first if possible and is held to a higher standard when carrying. Someone on the board has a good saying in the Signature. "I rather be judged by 12 then carried by 6!"


I agree with Dantheeldest get her to the range or better still have her take the CCW class with you. My friend had his wife attend the class with us and she loved it. In fact he is a glockaholic and she wants an XD 9mm SC for when he is at work.

[munkee]

Originally Posted by jednp

ask her if cops with guns are dangerous. Cops go around all day long with loaded guns, and they don't just go off. They really aren't any less trained than you are at handling a gun as far as the basics go. True, they may have more training as far as tactics, but as long as you follow the basic safety rules you will be fine. I think she equates carrying around a loaded gun, as something that will just fire off at any given time without warning. Inform her also that there's no accidental discharge unless the gun completely fails.

Yeah because man made machines never fail. Not only do cops have more training in firearms safety and control then you seem to think, they wear theirs out in the open where it is on their minds 24/7. With concealed carry, it's pretty easy to forget that it's there, not to mention the methods of concealed carry can increase the probability of an accidental discharge. But I'm sure that you are already well aware of this since you are considering carrying.

Ask her if she'd rather you or her die, without having a chance to defend yourself to the fullest extent, than take a chance carrying a gun knowing you understand all the safety rules, and all the laws pertaining to it. Is she willing to let a man with a gun pointed at her or you, do whatever he wants even though he claims "i only want your wallet"? Sure, you can take the wallet, the jewelry, whatever you want. But what if it's your life he wants? the way i see it is I learned in 4th grade hunters safety, that you do not point a gun at any object unless you intend to destroy it. so if you're pointing a gun at me, I think you want to destroy me.

Scaring the **** out of her isn't a very good tactic either. She's already nervous about it, she doesn't need more doom and gloom scenarios playing in her mind.
Dans advice is the best, if you haven't already take her to the range with you, just the two of you. Start her on something small, or just let her watch you shoot if she doesn't want to. I don't know how long you've known each other but you did mention that she knows you shoot responsibly. That's good, just give it time. If your responsible with what you do, she will get used to it. Being a newlywed takes a lot of compromising. If it's something you feel strongly about, then do it. You just have to be respectful of her feelings about it so it doesn't cause any strife. One more thing, it's totally your choice, but when you carry, please don't carry with a round in the chamber. I know a lot of people do, and do so safely, but carrying with one in the pipe is phenomenally more dangerous than with an empty chamber, and would probably go a long way toward helping put your wifes mind at ease.

Originally Posted by mgeoffriau

Be a man. Tell her to worry more about the dirty dishes and dirty clothes and less about whatever you choose to do.

Just kidding (but not really).

Spoken like a true boy.

[DanTheEldest]

Originally Posted by munkee

Yeah because man made machines never fail. Not only do cops have more training in firearms safety and control then you seem to think, they wear theirs out in the open where it is on their minds 24/7. With concealed carry, it's pretty easy to forget that it's there, not to mention the methods of concealed carry can increase the probability of an accidental discharge. But I'm sure that you are already well aware of this since you are considering carrying.


Scaring the **** out of her isn't a very good tactic either. She's already nervous about it, she doesn't need more doom and gloom scenarios playing in her mind.
Dans advice is the best, if you haven't already take her to the range with you, just the two of you. Start her on something small, or just let her watch you shoot if she doesn't want to. I don't know how long you've known each other but you did mention that she knows you shoot responsibly. That's good, just give it time. If your responsible with what you do, she will get used to it. Being a newlywed takes a lot of compromising. If it's something you feel strongly about, then do it. You just have to be respectful of her feelings about it so it doesn't cause any strife. One more thing, it's totally your choice, but when you carry, please don't carry with a round in the chamber. I know a lot of people do, and do so safely, but carrying with one in the pipe is phenomenally more dangerous than with an empty chamber, and would probably go a long way toward helping put your wifes mind at ease.

Spoken like a true boy.

You wouldn't be Zane's wife, would you?

[mgeoffriau]

Originally Posted by munkee

Spoken like a true boy.

And yet somehow, a quick search will reveal that my wife has already been to the range, enjoyed it, and wants to go back. I guess my "boyish" behavior won her over.