Problem with my girlfriend and my gun :(

[sloopy70]

Well, heres the deal. Me and my girlfriend have lived together for almost a year and a half now, but recently I moved back here to Louisiana, and she stayed in Arkansas, but is now moving back here. Well, she comes from a non gun family where she grew up in seattle washington. So she's one of these people who thinks guns by themselves are dangerous. well, I told her this evening about my XD I got, (she already knew that i own shotguns and rifles) and she trips out on me sayin that I shouldnt have a pistol unless I'ma cop, and that she doesnt want it in the house with us. She can't give me any real reason why she feels this way other than she does. I finally got her talkin about it, and she's calmed down a little bit, but Im sure she's still pretty PO'ed about it. And even after a murder in our apartment complex (actually a really nice neighborhood), a rape, and a crazy drunk person beating on our door at 1am shoutng for someone who doesnt live there ( I wasn't home any of these times, she was there alone) , she still has this almost violent protest against guns... She even asked me why I didnt just get a big knife for incase somebody breaks in. anybody have any advice on how I should handle this, or what I could say to help her understand more about guns... A female response would really be nice here... THANKS

[DanaT]

Run fast......

-Dana

[sloopy70]

I'm trying to avoid that, and I hope I dont have to. It would be a really bad breakup... i've been helping her deal with her mom slowly dying for about a year and a half now (has like 6 kinds of cancer...) so it'd be pretty rough... if it was just some random girl i wasnt with long yeah i'd just drop her, but its more than that...

[loonybin]

It's really quite simple: don't live together.

[sloopy70]

Due to money issues we don't really have much of a choice...

[Kermee]

Best advice is to convince her to let you teach her how to properly use and handle a firearm. Keep trying if she turns you down the first couple times.

Cheers,
Dan

[jednp]

What you have to do is educate her on the dangers out there, and why in some cases a gun is the only thing effective to use for defense. Make her realise that the gun isn't going to go off on it's own, and have her see that handguns aren't just meant for cops. Living in a tree hugging city like Seattle, she's gonna be a hard one to break. Give her scenerios of what could happen, and how a knife won't work to defend yourself. Also explain to her how important it is for you to have that gun in the house for defense of her. Ask her if you have kids, and someone breaks into the house and wants to either take the kids, harm the kids, or do that plus harm you two.. what is she going to do? You have to get her to see how beneficial a gun in the house can be.

One thing to point out to her maybe is this. she says only cops should have handguns. Ask her why a cops life is worth more than yours or hers. If knives were so effective for defense, why aren't police issued them instead of guns? You should do your best to get her out to shoot with you. Even if she just goes to watch. Her curiousity might get the best of her. I know it did of my gf. She wasn't scared of guns, but she hadn't ever shot one. Now she loves shooting my XD and my AR15.

I know this isn't a good thing to think about. But in the end, you have to ask yourself one thing. Are you prepared to life a defenseless life to be with this person? If she won't allow you to have a handgun in the house, and you don't stand up for yourself like she's doing and tell her you're having it and that's all there is to it... then you're going to end up leaving yourself vulnerable. That's something I can see you don't want to be, or you wouldn't have posted this question.

I've begun taking my pistol in the car with me on road trips where allowed lately. At first my gf was like why do you have to bring that with you? I simply tell her, because I can and I know you'd feel a lot safer if I had it should someone try to harm us. She understands I"m not out looking for trouble, and that I'm responsible with it. So now she's perfectly ok with it.

One thing that made me real happy recently is when I had to return back home to my parents house for the weekend and she had to stay here. She asked me again what the combo to the safe was, and how to use the shotgun and my pistol again. She's finally got it. She understands that bad stuff happens anywhere, to anyone at anytime. If I'm not here, she's got the pistol safe nearby in the bedroom, and she also has a flashlight on the bed at night. Your gf may come around. It's just going to take time and a lot of explaining and education on guns and self defense and your right to that. She has to see guns in the hands of a good guy, as a good thing, not bad.

Anyway good luck with it. I wish I knew more to tell you. Just stick to your guns... no pun intended. And get her to realise that she would greatly regret making you give up your handgun should someone ever come to do harm to you or her and one or both of you got killed, or she was raped while you were forced to watch. All because you brought a knife to a gun fight. And ask her why on earth would she want you to get close to a bad guy intent on doing severe harm to you just to be able to use a knife. A gun allows you to keep your distance.

Just do some research on self defense situations in the home and what types of situations you can find yourself in. Hope it all works out. Otherwise, if it were me I'd be saying sorry but I cannot be with someone who doesn't allow me to exercise my constitutional right.

[Sssnake]

You are in a catch22. She sounds like the type that runs totally on emotions in her argument and refuses to even listen to the facts and statistics. Considering she fears a gun in the house more than the fact of the violent crimes you've already had in the complex shows that she has a highly irrational fear of guns.

You can try taking her to the range and trying to get her to at least shoot your guns to get hands on experience. Sit her down and basically explain explain things in a calm logical manner with no emotions. Keep calm so that it will not give her anything to feed on emotionally. Let her know that a 911 call will mean 6-8 minutes til police arrive and the gun is for her protection while waiting for police to get there.

Personally I would let her know that the gun is staying though because it's a tool for self defense. You may have to make a choice though if she doesn't want to consider your side or the facts backing you up. I had a girlfriend who was similar and I told her that the relationship is over because I wasn't willing to give up my right to protect her and myself and become a victim in waiting like she was. (2 years later she was raped in the parking lot out front of her new boyfriends apt.)

[The Knight Of Light]

Leave or stay it all depends on how much the relationship means to you. How much are you willing to compromise on. There is a 50/50 chance in every decision in all our lives. Make sure you make the one that is right for you. You are the only one that writes your destiny.

[sloopy70]

Well, I called her wallago and the first thing he said was "So what are you gonna do about this gun situation" and I just calmly said " well I hope to teach you how to use it safely, and show you that as long as you handle it properly then theres nothing to be afraid of" I dont think she was expecting that kinda response cause she was just quite for a minute, then it seemed like she kinda lightened up a little bit, its gonna take more convinceing, but I'm sure that she's gonna atleast ease up on not wanting it in the house. It would make my day if here pretty soon she wante me to take her to go shoot, but I'm not so sure that'll happen anytime soon. but yeah She's gonna have to accept me+the XD one way or the other... i've had to many scares to go defenseless...