XD Talk

ibwaldo · 10-21-2011, 01:41 AM

It has been one year since our fatal home invasion and I thought I should give you an update. For those of you who are not familiar with our story, here is a list of threads in chronological order:

What would you do?

Home invasion in Oklahoma, mine

I need to vent

I feel like an idiot

http://www.xdtalk.com/forums/xdtalk-...an-2012-a.html

First off, we are all doing very well! My wife is still in counseling to help her cope through all of this, but she is doing much better. Our son no longer needs to see his counselor and is acting like any other 4 year old. Our daughter was never really affected by the actual incident, but did suffer like the rest of us with the aftermath. I am doing much better now. My fear has finally subsided and no longer controls my daily life. The court date is set for the 23rd of January 2012 (bumped to 11 June 2012) for the surviving bad guys and my XDm 9mm is still in police custody as the “murder” weapon. In Oklahoma they have a “birds of a feather” law that allows for additional charges to be filed if a group of individuals commits a felony and one of the group members gets killed. In our case, they are being charged for murder in the first degree. I have a feeling that when we get a firm date for the trial that the stress and fear that we have dealt with will come flooding back.

*************** Updated Information ***************

It has occurred to me that I have been telling all of you this story from my perspective alone. My wife has an account on here as well, her handle is ibwaldoswifee. There are a lot of things she would like to add, but can’t due to the pending trial. Therefore I want to fill you in on some of the missing details that are just as important if not more since she is the one that had to make several life changing decisions quicker than you could possible imagine. As soon as the last shot was fired, the reality started to sink in. She listened to the dying mans last breath while she was still on the phone with the 911 operator. There were two kids lives that were dependent upon her making the correct choices. She did everything by the book; perceived threat, verified threat, dealt with the treat and then had to deal with the aftermath. This is a very cut and try synopsis of the event and devoid of any emotions due to the pending trial. There is so much more that actually happened once you fill in the details with emotions. My family is still whole due to her actions and infallible thinking.

Here is where I have failed to relay the whole story. My side of things is biased on how I feel and it may appear to you as though I think my wife is weak or incapable of taking care of herself without my guidance. This perception could not be further from the truth. She does not need me for anything; she wants me to be here because her life is more complete with me in it. She has had to deal with the real consequences of her actions. There was the fear of prosecution, dealing with being homeless because of her actions, kids that do not understand why their lives has been turned upside down and wondering if she had done the right thing. At some point she will be able to tell you her side of the story.

Here is how I see it through my eyes. Amanda is the most incredible person that I have ever meet. It took me several times of asking before she agreed to be my wife and this is one of the few times that I can say I’m glad that I’m so hard headed!!! She stood alone in the gravest of fear and did the right thing. There is nothing that she would not do for our family. She is not weak at all, she is stronger than any other person that I have meet. This last year would have broken most of us but not her. She is my best friend, mother of our kids, my love and my hero. She is the foundation of our family and I am a better man because of her. I love you sweetheart, don’t you ever forget that!

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I have put a lot of thought in creating a “survivor guide” or something similar. Try as I might to come up with such an awesome idea I have realized there is no “one size fits all” for any of us to prepare for, or make it through such an event… So I want to present more of a thought provoking philosophical approach to the survivor guide idea. I know; those are some big words for a gun forum! In the end, we are all here for the same reason and I have learned most of my knowledge on this topic from the members here. I feel as though I have to pay forward the advice that most likely saved my family and got us through the hardest period of our lives.

Since this is a gun forum, let’s start with your LAST defense. The choice is up to you as far as what you choose to use (pistol, wheel gun, scatter gun or rifle) and what caliber to select (I would recommend 9mm or larger for a hand gun, any lethal shot gun round and anything over a .223 might be considered overkill in a rifle). The only option I had when my “spidy senses” started tingling was my Remington 742 woodsman in 30-06 with a 3 to 9 power scope. I responded to one threat with it, but I’m glad that I was able to switch to something better suited to home defense. This is when I purchased my Remington 870 express tactical 12 gage. I love this thing and it is a blast (literally) at the range! It does have some drawbacks however. I brought this out of the safe as soon as the kids went to bed and it stayed next to me when I sat on the couch. That is the down side to this as a primary home defense weapon. It sits there because I felt stupid carrying it all over the house when I used the bathroom or was getting a snack from the kitchen. Don’t get me wrong in the high threat area that I was living in it gave me great comfort having it available. This is what led me to my XDm 9mm. It got strapped on after the kids went to bed and the shot gun stayed in the room that we were currently in. This arrangement gives me the nice warm fuzzy feeling in my belly that I so enjoy! I have a side arm at the ready and a main “battle” weapon, if you will, with the shot gun in close proximity.

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s go in a logical way to approach this survivor guide philosophy.

Mindset - if you own a weapon that you plan to use as self defense then you need to know if you will be able to fire a lethal shot at another person. If you cannot do it then don’t even try, period! These are not toys and SHALL NEVER be used as a scare tactic. There are real ramifications that will forever change your life when you are forced to use one. Guns are the best tools ever devised to level the playing field when it comes to good versus evil, especially when the odds are stacked against you because of size or numbers.

Don’t be a target – this means that you do not advertise expensive purchases by putting the empty box out at the curb on trash day. Keep strangers out of your house, they may be looking to see what you have to steal.

Legality - know the laws where you live and make sure that if you travel that you are in compliance with the laws there as well. Right now is the best time to contact a lawyer. Find one before you need one. You need to actually contact them and set up a face to face with them. Explain to them you may need them to defend you in a court of law regarding a defensive shooting. Ask them if they have any problems doing this so that you can find a different lawyer if necessary. Once you find one that you are comfortable with, put them on your speed dial and keep in touch with them from time to time. This is also a reminder that if you do not have the correct mindset (like shooting to wound) or choose a less than lethal defensive ammo (birdshot) that you are opening yourself up to possibly having a bad day in court. How can you be in fear of your life and only shoot them once in the leg with birdshot?

Insurance – talk to your homeowners insurance and make sure you are covered for the biohazard clean up that may be required. Ask them any question that you may have to make sure that you are comfortable with the coverage that you have or if you need additional coverage.

Security – this is where you need to place a lot of thought after you have squared away the mindset and legality ideas. Think of this like an onion, how many layers of protection do you need in your situation? This is where the “one size fits all” survivor guide doesn’t work. You need to know what the threats are that you are facing. Do some research to find out what the typical crimes are in your area and stop by your local police department and ask them what they think you may be up against. Make sure to ask them about local gangs and what type of threat they may pose and then hope like hell you never have to tangle with them! Know your neighbors and the general area around your home. Look at traffic flows (both foot and vehicle) to analyze where the threat may come from. I think the easiest way to cover such a personal topic is to break this into several sub-categories:

Early warning is anything that can alert you that you may be facing a threat. This will give you time to prepare both physically and mentally. Here are some examples:

Neighbor

Alarm system

Dog

Motion sensor lighting

Video surveillance system

Delaying tactics is anything that can give you some extra time before the intruder can reach you.

Locked doors and windows

Door jamb reinforcement kit

Fencing

Plantings under windows like holly bushes or thick roses

A well thought out scenario plan (covered next)

Scenario plan - this must be well thought out and kept current. This is far more important than the weapon that you are using and could be the difference between life and death of you or a family member. This needs to include who does what and where everyone will be located. Make sure to address lines of fire and anything that will give you the advantage. Do not make the same mistake that I made; I failed to have a contingency plan for my wife and kids being home alone. This seems like such an incredible oversight now considering that I work full time (outside of the home) and my wife is a stay at home mom and teacher! At a minimum make sure you have thought of:

Where has the intruder entered your home

Where is everyone going and where are they now

Only one adult home

Kids home alone

Guests that are staying with you

Training – you have to be able to use your chosen weapon instinctively. It takes the mind several thousand times before this will happen for most people. Muscle memory will also develop over time, but the bottom line it you have to practice. I would highly recommend that you find a professional firearms instructor and sign up for a couple of classes (at a minimum). They can teach you what works best for most people and help you to develop proper techniques that will give advantages to you when you need them the most. They will also be able to spot any bad habits and help you correct them before you commit them to memory. Practice is great, but not if you are doing something wrong or unsafe. The other thing to remember is to keep proficient. When you are under the sudden stress of choosing if you need to take another person’s life with your adrenalin pumping and tunnel vision distracting you this training could very well save your life, especially if you are on a two way range!

Aftermath - this will be a SHTF event that will forever change your life even if it all goes your way! Here are some things to think about:

You should have a trusted family member that you can call after the event that can act on your behalf to notify the rest of your family and friends about what has happened and to give them some of the details (I didn’t think of this). Make sure they relay to people that you will call everyone in person once you have the time. You will be very busy with the police, lawyer and assessing what your next move should be.

Is your home safe to return to?

Is there a chance for retaliation?

Was this gang related (I sure as heck hope not)?

Find a grief counselor now even if you don’t think you will need one and give them a quick rundown of why you may need them on short notice.

Make sure that you have a backup weapon because yours will be in police custody (I did not).

Be ready for fear!!! There is no way I can put into words just how powerful fear can be. In my case it was gang related and we soon found out that there were real and verified threats to my family. The “fear monster” was slow in coming for me but it has a very powerful affect. The more information we received about the threats the more fear took hold of my every move. I was always looking for the unknown bad guy that was looking to do harm to my family. I trusted no one. There were several guns within reach at all times unless I was driving to work (US Air Force civil service employee). I also remember crying all the way to work wondering if I would still have a family alive to come home to… This is not the carnival ride or Halloween scare house type of fear. It is a gut wrenching total encompassing fear that dictates your every move type of fear! Then there is the guilt that you have after your fear gets the best of you and you can see in your child’s eyes that something has changed. This type of fear robs you of sleep and when you can’t keep your eyes open any more the nightmares come and make you wish you were still awake. I don’t have a lot of advice to give on how to deal with this as it almost got the best of me. It was my family, friends and the complete strangers that I meet here on XD Talk that kept me from completely losing it.

Have a bug out plan and money to support you for as long as it takes to return or permanently leave your home. In my case this took over six months.

Remember that you are now in survival mode and make sure that you keep your family’s best interests at heart. Come here to XD Talk for support because you will need help!

I want to thank any of you that are still reading this. I have said from the very beginning that the reason that I am sharing our experience is in the hope that I can help someone else be as prepared as possible if they ever face a similar experience. This should also be a reminder of what the true meaning of responsible gun ownership is. There are ramifications for exercising your second amendment rights even if done lawfully and responsibly.

I also want to thank every member of this awesome website. It is with your collective knowledge and some dumb luck that I was able to piece together a working plan that got us through our home invasion. Then I was humbled when I tried to share my experience and everyone here came together to support my family when we were in our darkest days. I find it hard to explain just how much strength you all gave me when I was struggling through this… I have been lucky enough to meet three site members in the last year and it was like sitting down to chat with an old family member. I hope to meet more of you at some point as I feel like I belong to an extended virtual family when I sit down and see what is going on here on these threads. Even though I don’t have a high post count I am almost always here several times a day. If you have any questions or comments, send me a PM. I will make the time to help you go over anything you may have questions about.

Feel free to add to or suggest corrections to my survival guide and I will try to keep the original post up to date with any necessary changes. I want this tool to be available to anyone who could benefit from it!

**1lowlife** · 10-21-2011, 01:55 AM

ibwaldo and family..........
I cannot even fathom what y'all have been through.

Thank you for taking the time to bring reality to what we all hope will never happen.

God bless you and yours.......1LL

warmachine · 10-21-2011, 02:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1lowlife

ibwaldo and family..........
I cannot even fathom what y'all have been through.

Thank you for taking the time to bring reality to what we all hope will never happen.

God bless you and yours.......1LL

This^^^ 1000x this.

omarimoe · 10-21-2011, 04:45 AM

i cant imagine trying to go through wat u and your family have went through and im sure it was tramatic for everyone. i respect and admire that u and your family where strong enough to get through it together and also that u have been able to relive it by keeping us all updated, i dont know u personaly but u and your family truly seem like wonderful people that anybody would be proud to know. god bless u and your loved ones

jimdanos · 10-21-2011, 06:14 AM

Thanks for the update and advice. You and the family are still in our prayers.

taylor6400 · 10-21-2011, 06:30 AM

Good to hear that you are all doing well under the circumstances. I remember how shocked i was to read your initial post...and the story is still chilling. I hope i am never in the position but hope that if i am your story has helped me to prepare. Thanks for the reminder

**matlt** · 10-21-2011, 07:04 AM

Thanks a lot for the advice. A lot of the stuff you've covered is just stuff we often speculate based off stories we hear about that may or may not have happened, or from bs on tv. But afaik your case is the only one I've heard of on these forums where someone was actually shot and killed. A lot of us try to prepare for sthf situations, but few of us envision something where you need to build a completely new life in less than 24 hours like you had to.

The trial is going to be tough. We all know how strong your wife is, but the trial will be long and extremely detailed. Both defender and prosecutor will bring up every single detail imaginable, ones you've never even considered before. The defender will be down right mean and aggressive at times. You will both have to relive every second of that day, and most likely the day or two after. Just keep in mind that your purpose in being there is to prevent another innocent person falling victim to the scumbags on trial.