These is a list of some of the dumbest things my CCW instructor said in the class and in some classes my friends and family attended. Get ready to grab your monitor in a headlock and punch it while screaming curses at the top of your lungs!
I had to sit there in agony listening to this man. I wanted to correct him or call him out SO BAD, but I was afraid he'd throw me out of the class. After all he told us that one phone call from him and you will never be able to get a CCW anywhere. He has the power! This is going to be long!
1. First off he told us he was the ONLY person in the country Licensed to give some sort self defense class for women and that hot super models came from all over the US to take this 'course'. He said they couldn't keep their hands off of him, but he wouldn't touch them because he is SO devoted to his wife. Then he told us he would not pull his gun to save anyone other than himself including his wife no matter what! He wasn't joking either. He had a sense of humor level of 0.
2. He passed around some bullets that had supposedly been taken from the bodies of some unlucky people. One was a paper thin piece of lead with an equally thin piece of copper on top of it. I asked him what caliber it was and he said it was a 38. It had to be a FMJ from the copper being on top. Pulled from a body? Really? a 38 huh...Looked more like it was melted down and then hand hammered perfectly flat. Then he picked up a 45 HP bullet that was expanded normally and held it up for all to see. He said that this is what the bullet looks like 4 INCHES OUT OF THE BARREL! Not 4 inches into the target....OUT OF THE BARREL OF THE GUN!! If this were true no HP bullet would ever hit where you were aiming. It would be flipping and spinning everywhere but straight. He said he knows this because he has studied forensics
3. Next he was trying to sell various items he had in his 'store'. All the money 'went to the kids. he doesn't make a dime off of it'. We still don't know what kids he was referring to. He had pepper spray and kubatons and some gun bags.
A. First the pepper spray. He said it was the strongest pepper spray civilians could buy and he was the only person you could get it from. It was just normal cheap pepper spray OC 10 stuff you can find anywhere.
B. Next up was the kubatons. He explained what they were for and that they were great tools for getting out of holds by breaking the perps arm/wrist with them. They weighed next to nothing and felt like they were just made of aluminum. Of course no one believed him. He told us there was a special gel inside the kubatons that would focus all of the energy into the point of the kubaton and would break just about anything. He then told a story of how a young lady was tapping on his table in the class room with one. He said, "it was so annoying and I just wanted to... (he reaches for his S&W 38 on his side and makes a draw and fire motion as if to shoot her). Then he said he told her that she was going to break the table. This table was one of those cheap white plastic tables from walmart. She wouldn't stop tapping the kubaton and he says after a few more 'taps' the table broke in half....yeah right. I couldn't break one of those tables in half with a sledge hammer just because of the plastic they are made of.
C. Next was the gun bags. He said if you are pulled over by the police and your gun was not in this 'special' bag then you would be in deep trouble. He said the police will ask if you have a weapon and even if they don't you must tell them you have a weapon. (true in Ohio). He says they will ask for your weapon and if its not already in this special bag when they get to your vehicle 'you will be shot for reaching for your weapon'. So someone asked, "Can I just put it in a zippered gun bag?" He said no. It cannot be in a gun related bag. No purses, no walmart bags, no holsters, no duffel bags and no gun cases. Only this bag for sale!!!
4. Here comes the first story he tells us. He used to be a cop. He saw some guys on the side of the road with their hood up on their car. He stops to help them. As he is looking at the engine one of the guys slams the car hood on him several times as the second guy gets a tire iron and starts beating him relentlessly. After a thorough beat down they pick him up ( I would have liked to seen two guys pick him up. It would not be easy
) and throw him over a guard rail into a river below. He didn't pass out from the beating of course, but he had 20 bones broken including his back, ribs, arms and face. As he was floating down the river he grabbed onto a branch and held on for 14 hours until someone found him. Someone in the class asked, "why didn't you pull your gun and shoot them?". His response was, "I didn't fear for my life
." I'll just let you ponder that one.
5. Another cop story. This one involves why you shouldn't carry a .22LR. He responded to call about a man with a gun. Wouldn't you know it, this man lives in his neighborhood and he knows the guy. So the guy is in his house with a 22 rifle. The brave CCW instructor goes up to the house to talk the guy out, but the sight of him just makes the guy angry and he tells the instructor to go away. When he turns around he felt 'bees stinging him' so he started running away from them. Then later on he figures out that he was shot 5 times by the guy with the 22. He was shot in the left shoulder and the bullets didn't even penetrate the skin. He just 'picked them out with his fingernail'. A cheap BB gun and a distance of at least earshot does more damage than the 22 rifle in this story. I've never heard a bee go BANG right before it stung me either.
6. Heres a good one. Someone asked, "How many guns can I carry at once with this permit?" He told them as many as they can conceal...He couldn't leave it at that though. He tells us that he once concealed 54 firearms at one time and you couldn't tell he had them. "Thats a new record for me" He says.
7. He says to only use Break-Free to clean your guns. If you use anything else and you shoot someone in self defense the forensics people will find this other 'foreign substance'. This could be dirt, powder, lead or other cleaners. This would indicate that you didn't use premium ammo to shoot the BG and the BULLET manufacturer will not pay your forensic/court fees. If you use Break-Free and premium SD ammo then it won't show up in their forensic tests and they will pay for the fees involved for the tests and your court costs. Makes sense doesn't it.
I'm not sure what the forensic people are testing for if you say, "Hey, I shot this guy in SD and here is the gun I used."
This is the first installment of crazy things this guy said in class. Its getting late. I'll post some more tomorrow. Post comments or any crazy thing your instructors said.