INFANT FOUND IN BARN.Child Protective Services investigating

[slowburn]

Nazareth Carpenter Being Held On Charges Involving Underage Mother

BETHLEHEM, JUDEA - Authorities were today alerted by a concerned citizen
who noticed a family living in a barn. Upon arrival, Family Protective
Service personnel, accompanied by police, took into protective care an
infant child, who had been wrapped in strips of cloth and placed in a
feeding trough by his 14-year old mother, Mary of Nazareth.

During the confrontation, a man identified as Joseph, also of Nazareth,
attempted to stop the social workers. Joseph, aided by several local
shepherds and some unidentified foreigners, tried to forestall efforts
to take the child, but were restrained by the police.

Also being held for questioning are three foreigners who allege to be
wise men from an eastern country. The INS and Homeland Security
officials are seeking information about these wise guys who may be in
the country illegally. A source with the INS states that they had no
passports, but were in possession of gold and other possibly illegal
substances. They resisted arrest saying that they had been warned by
God to avoid officials in Jerusalem and to return quickly to their own
country. The chemical substances in their possession will be tested.

The owner of the barn is also being held for questioning. The manager of
Bethlehem Inn faces possible revocation of his license for violating
health and safety regulations by allowing people to stay in the stable.
Civil authorities are also investigating the zoning violations involved
in maintaining livestock in a
commercially-zoned district.

The location of the minor child will not be released, and the prospect
for a quick resolution to this case is doubtful. Asked about when the
child would be returned to his mother, a Child Protective Service
spokesperson said, "The father is middle-aged and the mother definitely
underage. We are checking with officials in Nazareth to determine what
their legal relationship is.

Joseph has admitted taking Mary from her home in Nazareth because of a
census requirement. However, because she was obviously pregnant when
they left, investigators are looking into other reasons for their
departure. Joseph is being held without bond on charges of molestation,
kidnapping, child endangerment, and statutory rape.

Mary was taken to the Bethlehem General Hospital where she is being
examined by doctors. Charges may also be filed against her for
endangerment. She will also undergo psychiatric evaluation because of
her claim that she is a virgin and that the child is from God.

The director of the psychiatric wing said, "I don't profess to have the
right to tell people what to believe, but when their beliefs adversely
affect the safety and well-being of others - in this case her child - we
must consider her a danger to others. The unidentified drugs at the
scene didn't help her case, but I'm confidant that with the proper
therapy regimen we can get her back on her feet."

A spokesperson for the governor's office said, "Who knows what was going
through their heads? But regardless, their treatment of the child was
inexcusable, and the involvement of these others frightening. There is
much we don't know about this case, but for the sake of the child and
the public, you can be assured that we will pursue this matter to the
end."

Merry Christmas!

From the Police State

[gsh341]

I'm not sure how to respond to that.

[Majk]

+1

[aiformula]

I for one found this hilarious. Satire is such a dying art.

[Brickboy240]

The reason satire is dying is because nobody has a sense of humor anymore. We're all so damned sensitive to everything around us. Why do you think "Merry Christmas" must be removed from everything and you cannot put up a nativity scene anywhere in public without the secularist's scorn?

We cannot celebrate anything anymore - it might offend someone.

We cannot say certain words anymore - it might offend someone.

Its almost to the point, where we can only eat, breathe and sleep, because any other activity might offend someone. Ugh!!

Sad...but unfortunatley very true.

- Brickboy240

PS - MERRY CHRISTMAS (if you're offended...sorry!)

[bluebomberx]

Originally Posted by Brickboy240

PS - MERRY CHRISTMAS (if you're offended...PISS OFF!)

There... fixed it for you

[dolanp]

Meanwhile in Washington DC, King George II ordered that all newborn males be executed in compliance with new anti-terrorist provisions.

[therooster]

Originally Posted by bluebomberx

There... fixed it for you

+1


amusing, but what were the "unidentified drugs" supposed to represent compared to the original story?

[aiformula]

where did it say drugs?

[NiK]

Funny. Was that from the Onion? It was definitely Onion-esque...