He ventured forth to bring light to the world - XDTalk Forums

**jmichna** · 07-25-2008, 01:11 PM

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/gerard_baker/article4392846.ece

From The Times
July 25, 2008

He ventured forth to bring light to the world

The anointed one's pilgrimage to the Holy Land is a miracle in action - and a blessing to all his faithful followers

Gerard Baker

And it came to pass, in the eighth year of the reign of the evil Bush the Younger (The Ignorant), when the whole land from the Arabian desert to the shores of the Great Lakes had been laid barren, that a Child appeared in the wilderness.

The Child was blessed in looks and intellect. Scion of a simple family, offspring of a miraculous union, grandson of a typical white person and an African peasant. And yea, as he grew, the Child walked in the path of righteousness, with only the occasional detour into the odd weed and a little blow.

When he was twelve years old, they found him in the temple in the City of Chicago, arguing the finer points of community organisation with the Prophet Jeremiah and the Elders. And the Elders were astonished at what they heard and said among themselves: "Verily, who is this Child that he opens our hearts and minds to the audacity of hope?"

In the great Battles of Caucus and Primary he smote the conniving Hillary, wife of the deposed King Bill the Priapic and their barbarian hordes of Working Class Whites.

And so it was, in the fullness of time, before the harvest month of the appointed year, the Child ventured forth - for the first time - to bring the light unto all the world.

He travelled fleet of foot and light of camel, with a small retinue that consisted only of his loyal disciples from the tribe of the Media. He ventured first to the land of the Hindu Kush, where the Taleban had harboured the viper of al-Qaeda in their bosom, raining terror on all the world.

And the Child spake and the tribes of Nato immediately loosed the Caveats that had previously bound them. And in the great battle that ensued the forces of the light were triumphant. For as long as the Child stood with his arms raised aloft, the enemy suffered great blows and the threat of terror was no more.

From there he went forth to Mesopotamia where he was received by the great ruler al-Maliki, and al-Maliki spake unto him and blessed his Sixteen Month Troop Withdrawal Plan even as the imperial warrior Petraeus tried to destroy it.

And lo, in Mesopotamia, a miracle occurred. Even though the Great Surge of Armour that the evil Bush had ordered had been a terrible mistake, a waste of vital military resources and doomed to end in disaster, the Child's very presence suddenly brought forth a great victory for the forces of the light.

And the Persians, who saw all this and were greatly fearful, longed to speak with the Child and saw that the Child was the bringer of peace. At the mention of his name they quickly laid aside their intrigues and beat their uranium swords into civil nuclear energy ploughshares.

From there the Child went up to the city of Jerusalem, and entered through the gate seated on an ass. The crowds of network anchors who had followed him from afar cheered "Hosanna" and waved great palm fronds and strewed them at his feet.

In Jerusalem and in surrounding Palestine, the Child spake to the Hebrews and the Arabs, as the Scripture had foretold. And in an instant, the lion lay down with the lamb, and the Israelites and Ishmaelites ended their long enmity and lived for ever after in peace.

As word spread throughout the land about the Child's wondrous works, peoples from all over flocked to hear him; Hittites and Abbasids; Obamacons and McCainiacs; Cameroonians and Blairites.

And they told of strange and wondrous things that greeted the news of the Child's journey. Around the world, global temperatures began to decline, and the ocean levels fell and the great warming was over.

The Great Prophet Algore of Nobel and Oscar, who many had believed was the anointed one, smiled and told his followers that the Child was the one generations had been waiting for.

And there were other wonderful signs. In the city of the Street at the Wall, spreads on interbank interest rates dropped like manna from Heaven and rates on credit default swaps fell to the ground as dead birds from the almond tree, and the people who had lived in foreclosure were able to borrow again.

Black gold gushed from the ground at prices well below $140 per barrel. In hospitals across the land the sick were cured even though they were uninsured. And all because the Child had pronounced it.

And this is the testimony of one who speaks the truth and bears witness to the truth so that you might believe. And he knows it is the truth for he saw it all on CNN and the BBC and in the pages of The New York Times.

Then the Child ventured forth from Israel and Palestine and stepped onto the shores of the Old Continent. In the land of Queen Angela of Merkel, vast multitudes gathered to hear his voice, and he preached to them at length.

But when he had finished speaking his disciples told him the crowd was hungry, for they had had nothing to eat all the hours they had waited for him.

And so the Child told his disciples to fetch some food but all they had was five loaves and a couple of frankfurters. So he took the bread and the frankfurters and blessed them and told his disciples to feed the multitudes. And when all had eaten their fill, the scraps filled twelve baskets.

Thence he travelled west to Mount Sarkozy. Even the beauteous Princess Carla of the tribe of the Bruni was struck by awe and she was great in love with the Child, but he was tempted not.

On the Seventh Day he walked across the Channel of the Angles to the ancient land of the hooligans. There he was welcomed with open arms by the once great prophet Blair and his successor, Gordon the Leper, and his successor, David the Golden One.

And suddenly, with the men appeared the archangel Gabriel and the whole host of the heavenly choir, ranks of cherubim and seraphim, all praising God and singing: "Yes, We Can."

Copyright 2008 Times Newspapers Ltd.

**afmo** · 07-25-2008, 02:22 PM

Quote:

The beast was given a mouth to utter proud words and blasphemies and to exercise his authority for forty-two months. 6He opened his mouth to blaspheme God, and to slander his name and his dwelling place and those who live in heaven. 7He was given power to make war against the saints and to conquer them. And he was given authority over every tribe, people, language and nation. 8All inhabitants of the earth will worship the beast—all whose names have not been written in the book of life belonging to the Lamb that was slain from the creation of the world

Quote:

He also forced everyone, small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on his right hand or on his forehead, 17so that no one could buy or sell unless he had the mark, which is the name of the beast or the number of his name. 18This calls for wisdom. If anyone has insight, let him calculate the number of the beast, for it is man's number. His number is 666.

see! i can play bible too! and on further inspection...42 months....just a few months shy of the term of president...hrm.....dun dun dunnnnnnn! barack obama antichrist

AZXD · 07-25-2008, 02:26 PM

While people are saying, “Peace and safety,” destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape.
- 1 Thessalonians 5:3

At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people.
- Matthew 24:11

"Woe unto them who call evil, good, and good, evil" [Isaiah 5:20]

.

trik396 · 07-25-2008, 03:18 PM

Ok, where's Powerman when you need him...

**Frenchy** · 07-25-2008, 03:56 PM

This reads like a Monty Python script! Too funny...

rsallen13 · 07-25-2008, 10:22 PM

Fox News ran a video montage with this being read as the narrative. It ran during Hannity and Colmes tonight. Its ammusing

Etta Place · 07-26-2008, 11:09 AM

Very funny!

What gives with the Germans though? 200,000 people in Berlin turned out to see him??? I've never seen anything like it. What is that about? I guess the Germans are wanting hope and change too.

**rpsmith** · 07-26-2008, 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Etta Place

Very funny!

What gives with the Germans though? 200,000 people in Berlin turned out to see him??? I've never seen anything like it. What is that about? I guess the Germans are wanting hope and change too.

maybe they are looking for another fuhrer.

Zebra3 · 07-26-2008, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Etta Place

Very funny!

What gives with the Germans though? 200,000 people in Berlin turned out to see him??? I've never seen anything like it. What is that about? I guess the Germans are wanting hope and change too.

Actually, they heard a famous American was arriving and naturally thought it was David Hasselhoff.

deerslayer · 07-26-2008, 03:30 PM

"And with only the occasional detour with the odd weed and a little blow".

Hilarious.

07-25-2008, 01:11 PM	#1
jmichna XDTalk 5K Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Western UP, near the Porkies Posts: 5,870	He ventured forth to bring light to the world http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/gerard_baker/article4392846.ece From The Times July 25, 2008 He ventured forth to bring light to the world The anointed one's pilgrimage to the Holy Land is a miracle in action - and a blessing to all his faithful followers Gerard Baker And it came to pass, in the eighth year of the reign of the evil Bush the Younger (The Ignorant), when the whole land from the Arabian desert to the shores of the Great Lakes had been laid barren, that a Child appeared in the wilderness. The Child was blessed in looks and intellect. Scion of a simple family, offspring of a miraculous union, grandson of a typical white person and an African peasant. And yea, as he grew, the Child walked in the path of righteousness, with only the occasional detour into the odd weed and a little blow. When he was twelve years old, they found him in the temple in the City of Chicago, arguing the finer points of community organisation with the Prophet Jeremiah and the Elders. And the Elders were astonished at what they heard and said among themselves: "Verily, who is this Child that he opens our hearts and minds to the audacity of hope?" In the great Battles of Caucus and Primary he smote the conniving Hillary, wife of the deposed King Bill the Priapic and their barbarian hordes of Working Class Whites. And so it was, in the fullness of time, before the harvest month of the appointed year, the Child ventured forth - for the first time - to bring the light unto all the world. He travelled fleet of foot and light of camel, with a small retinue that consisted only of his loyal disciples from the tribe of the Media. He ventured first to the land of the Hindu Kush, where the Taleban had harboured the viper of al-Qaeda in their bosom, raining terror on all the world. And the Child spake and the tribes of Nato immediately loosed the Caveats that had previously bound them. And in the great battle that ensued the forces of the light were triumphant. For as long as the Child stood with his arms raised aloft, the enemy suffered great blows and the threat of terror was no more. From there he went forth to Mesopotamia where he was received by the great ruler al-Maliki, and al-Maliki spake unto him and blessed his Sixteen Month Troop Withdrawal Plan even as the imperial warrior Petraeus tried to destroy it. And lo, in Mesopotamia, a miracle occurred. Even though the Great Surge of Armour that the evil Bush had ordered had been a terrible mistake, a waste of vital military resources and doomed to end in disaster, the Child's very presence suddenly brought forth a great victory for the forces of the light. And the Persians, who saw all this and were greatly fearful, longed to speak with the Child and saw that the Child was the bringer of peace. At the mention of his name they quickly laid aside their intrigues and beat their uranium swords into civil nuclear energy ploughshares. From there the Child went up to the city of Jerusalem, and entered through the gate seated on an ass. The crowds of network anchors who had followed him from afar cheered "Hosanna" and waved great palm fronds and strewed them at his feet. In Jerusalem and in surrounding Palestine, the Child spake to the Hebrews and the Arabs, as the Scripture had foretold. And in an instant, the lion lay down with the lamb, and the Israelites and Ishmaelites ended their long enmity and lived for ever after in peace. As word spread throughout the land about the Child's wondrous works, peoples from all over flocked to hear him; Hittites and Abbasids; Obamacons and McCainiacs; Cameroonians and Blairites. And they told of strange and wondrous things that greeted the news of the Child's journey. Around the world, global temperatures began to decline, and the ocean levels fell and the great warming was over. The Great Prophet Algore of Nobel and Oscar, who many had believed was the anointed one, smiled and told his followers that the Child was the one generations had been waiting for. And there were other wonderful signs. In the city of the Street at the Wall, spreads on interbank interest rates dropped like manna from Heaven and rates on credit default swaps fell to the ground as dead birds from the almond tree, and the people who had lived in foreclosure were able to borrow again. Black gold gushed from the ground at prices well below $140 per barrel. In hospitals across the land the sick were cured even though they were uninsured. And all because the Child had pronounced it. And this is the testimony of one who speaks the truth and bears witness to the truth so that you might believe. And he knows it is the truth for he saw it all on CNN and the BBC and in the pages of The New York Times. Then the Child ventured forth from Israel and Palestine and stepped onto the shores of the Old Continent. In the land of Queen Angela of Merkel, vast multitudes gathered to hear his voice, and he preached to them at length. But when he had finished speaking his disciples told him the crowd was hungry, for they had had nothing to eat all the hours they had waited for him. And so the Child told his disciples to fetch some food but all they had was five loaves and a couple of frankfurters. So he took the bread and the frankfurters and blessed them and told his disciples to feed the multitudes. And when all had eaten their fill, the scraps filled twelve baskets. Thence he travelled west to Mount Sarkozy. Even the beauteous Princess Carla of the tribe of the Bruni was struck by awe and she was great in love with the Child, but he was tempted not. On the Seventh Day he walked across the Channel of the Angles to the ancient land of the hooligans. There he was welcomed with open arms by the once great prophet Blair and his successor, Gordon the Leper, and his successor, David the Golden One. And suddenly, with the men appeared the archangel Gabriel and the whole host of the heavenly choir, ranks of cherubim and seraphim, all praising God and singing: "Yes, We Can." Copyright 2008 Times Newspapers Ltd. __________________ Fight Organized Crime... next election, elect no one. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "It was often pointed out during the election that Obama lacked management experience. While having a president with no experience is bad, it's not nearly as bad as having a president with experience as a community organizer." ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "Enlightened statesmen will not always be at the helm." - James Madison, Federalist No. 10 Last edited by jmichna; 07-25-2008 at 01:14 PM.
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07-25-2008, 02:26 PM	#3
AZXD XDTalk 25K Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 28,635	While people are saying, “Peace and safety,” destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape. - 1 Thessalonians 5:3 At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. - Matthew 24:11 "Woe unto them who call evil, good, and good, evil" [Isaiah 5:20] .
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07-25-2008, 03:18 PM	#4
trik396 XDTalk 2K Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: currently elsewhere Posts: 2,416	Ok, where's Powerman when you need him... __________________ ‘‘When we got organized as a country and we wrote a fairly radical Constitution with a radical Bill of Rights, giving a radical amount of individual freedom to Americans ...... And so a lot of people say there's too much personal freedom. When personal freedom's being abused, you have to move to limit it.’’ — Bill Clinton, 3-22-94
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07-25-2008, 03:56 PM	#5
Frenchy XDTalk 20K Member Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Near the banks of the Missouri and Osage Posts: 20,852	This reads like a Monty Python script! Too funny... __________________ ~SC Harvey~ *"The Republicans know we have a constitution, and they dismiss it with contempt and arrogance ...* The Democrats simply never heard of it ..."--Livyjr-2008 *"Patriots don't let patriots vote stupid..."--*Frenchy-2009
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07-25-2008, 10:22 PM	#6
rsallen13 XDTalk 100 Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: North East Kansas Posts: 137	Fox News ran a video montage with this being read as the narrative. It ran during Hannity and Colmes tonight. Its ammusing
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07-26-2008, 11:09 AM	#7
Etta Place XDTalk 15K Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Southern California Posts: 15,593	Very funny! What gives with the Germans though? 200,000 people in Berlin turned out to see him??? I've never seen anything like it. What is that about? I guess the Germans are wanting hope and change too.
	Share

07-26-2008, 03:30 PM	#10
deerslayer XDTalk 500 Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Louisiana Posts: 684	"And with only the occasional detour with the odd weed and a little blow". Hilarious.
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