Global Warming is Natural

[XDinNC]

Both my dad and I have Ram 1500's with the 5.7L Hemi. His has MDS, mine does not. He only gets 1 or 2 mpg better fuel economy than I do, with mine getting ~15 mpg in the city (if I take it easy on the throttle).

[Ed Ely]

A recent Cincinnati Enquirer headline read, "Smell of baked bread
may be health hazard." The article went on to describe the dangers of
the smell of baking bread. The main danger, apparently, is that the
organic components of this aroma may break down ozone (I'm not making
this stuff up).

I was horrified. When are we going to do something about
bread-induced global warming? Sure, we attack tobacco companies, but
when is the government going to go after Big Bread?

****

Well, I've done a little research, and what I've discovered should
make anyone think twice...

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming
households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtual ly all bread was baked in the
home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant
mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth;
and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole
nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24
hours of eating bread.

5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven
that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse.
The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low
incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.

7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread
and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.

8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder"
items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is
more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to
your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you
into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit!
That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish
between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

Ed

[rodnocker1]

And don't forget- breads are made using a variety of grains (oats, wheat, rice, barley) and also yeast. These are the same ingredients used to produce beer and grain alcohol. So if grain + yeast= bread and grain + yeast= alcohol, then bread = alcohol. Therefore, all of the parents and schools who have been giving children bread have actually been contributing to the delinquency of minors. How long before someone puts it all together and you have to be over 21 to buy or use bread? And lets not even get started about eating a Big Mac in the car and driving under the influence.