Yuck

[03RangerXLT]

Yuck.

Goin out on my days off with most regular people sucks. Last night I joined a co-worker for dinner with his brother, the brother's GF, and her female friend. The conversation was boring and it was hard for me and my co-worker to not break off on our own side conversations, about work of course. The company was ok, but I felt like I had no social skills because I couldn't get interested in a conversation about their buisness degrees and such, and didn't say much. I left dinner to go meet my roommate (a buddy from college, LEO but different agency), and some of his co-workers. There almost all of the conversation centered around work, and the company was enjoyable. I didn't feel like a social moron!

[danp]

It sounds to me like the folks you were with were talking work, so you should have been fine to talk shop with your co-worker. If they didn't include you guys in the conversation, or couldn't tell you weren't participating, they were being rude.

I try to keep friends who aren't cops (it kinda keeps me grounded) but I also know that folks like to hear cop stories. I'll generally throw whoever I'm with a "dumb crook" story at sometime during the night.

But you're right...its easier to hang out with other cops.

[hacker15]

03 - been there, done that. Trust me, it gets better as you get older. Don't know if you're married with kids - if not, wait 'till that happens and you'll see how much you have to talk about besides the job.

Don't cut off the civilians just yet - somewhere out there just might be your 'better half' (assuming you're still single...).

[Tally XD]

Originally Posted by 03RangerXLT

Yuck.

Goin out on my days off with most regular people sucks. Last night I joined a co-worker for dinner with his brother, the brother's GF, and her female friend. The conversation was boring and it was hard for me and my co-worker to not break off on our own side conversations, about work of course. The company was ok, but I felt like I had no social skills because I couldn't get interested in a conversation about their buisness degrees and such, and didn't say much. I left dinner to go meet my roommate (a buddy from college, LEO but different agency), and some of his co-workers. There almost all of the conversation centered around work, and the company was enjoyable. I didn't feel like a social moron!

I used to say the same thing about you sorry civilians when I was in the military. Get your head outta your ass and get some social skills.

[XDConvert9mm]

Originally Posted by Tally XD

I used to say the same thing about you sorry civilians when I was in the military. Get your head outta your ass and get some social skills.

It looks from your post that this plan worked out quite well for you!

[dincote]

Dont worry, it is true that most civilians mentalities suck, specially women, most of the time their conversation sucks, and you are not interested in their office crap, of course who can beat a foot/car chase with a fight at the end, I guess for us the "do you know what such and such did today" BS does not cut it any more.

It sucks even more when you are chasing skirts, there are tons of pretty women out there that are just that pretty, is hard to find a smart(and smart ass) one, and even harder to find one that likes/accepts your job, and that you see your children in her eyes, I got lucky, but I kept it in the reservation.

Its natural for LEO and military to talk shop, after all is more than just a job, is usually deep in the fabric of our souls.

Just keep trying, and if the lady you are talking to, is pleasing to the eye(after all men a visual animals) ask some questions(not interrogation stile ) go around the bush a little bit, and if she seem interested, keep going, who knows.

BTW if you are close to a military base, there are plenty of pretty and smart women there, befriend some officers and usually they know a lot of female officers, they are smart pretty and have a good head on their shoulders.

either way good luck.

Jose

[retired]

I have to go along with Hacker on this one. Once you are with someone and especially married with kids, you'll have no problem associating with "civilians" and finding something to talk about besides work.

[hacker15]

Originally Posted by retired

I have to go along with Hacker on this one. Once you are with someone and especially married with kids, you'll have no problem associating with "civilians" and finding something to talk about besides work.

Thank! I do remember when I was a 'young sprout', new to the job and just itching for the next shift to start. Couldn't stop talking to other cops about what the day had brought - VNT stops, pursuits, arrests, even long, boring stakeouts took on a fascination of their own and, sometime (I must admit) got just a little more exciting in my imagination than they did in actuality!

At that time, all I wanted to do was talk shop, associate with other LEOs, you know the drill. As I got older, it started to fade a bit - became more routine and I realized it was (for all intents and purposes) a job, not unlike many others. Back then, there weren't too many female LEOs to associate with, so I had to work the civilians (as big a struggle as that was!) - until I met the future Mrs. Hacker. One thing led to another and soon there were a few Baby Hackers cluttering up the house (which we had to sell and get a bigger one - go figure!). The two seater sports car was the first thing that changed - somehow, overnight, it grew into a station wagon, capable of handling all the junk you needed when you went anywhere with kids (I swear, it took Eisenhower less planning to invade Normandy than it takes the average family planning to go on vacation with two small children!).

Backyard parties became more centered on PTA and the family talk with other 'dads', none of whom were LEOs or had any interest in the types of topic of conversation I had in earlier times - I mean, who wanted to hear about the dirtbag you wrestled with last night over on Main and South, the one who hadn't seen the inside of a tub in a month? That kind of talk just upset the hell out of them and I quickly learned to confine that to gatherings of the guys, which seemed to grow more infrequent as they got married and started their own families. By that time, the topics of conversation with the guys seemed to mimic the backyard gatherings of neighbors!

Kids, home repairs, wife-as-supervisor, yeah, all these - but shop talk? Less and less time spent on it (you internalized the job much more and it assumed a less salient place in your life). I guess it happens to all of us, but those early days were exciting in their own right - but I'm glad I found the 'better half' 41 years ago and wouldn't trade it for the world (although that sports car sure would be nice to have about now!).......

[03RangerXLT]

well, i am hoping my new hobby helps me develope my social skills. i bought an old truck and will knock around the hot rod and car show scene, and maybe hopefully join a hot rod club.

[XD in SC]

What'd ya get??? You'll meet some great people in the hot rod world.