I feel pretty rough right now But I'm better now! Updated

[HulkXD]

I just worked (am in the middle of paperwork on) a suicide. Self-inflicted, .38 spl. +P in the mouth. First one I am the lead officer on, and, although I handled it perfectly, both emotionally and professionally, right now, I am kind of wobbley. It's very disconcerting to see something like that, and have to stand with it for an hour, while listening to distant cries of horror from family members outside grieving. I know God has helped me so far, but does anyone have any words of wisdom regarding such a tragic situation?

I know I don't have near as much to go through as the family, or the woman's husband of 30 years who found her, but still, any thoughts?

I hope this isn't dumping too much, but you guys have become sort of an extended family to me. Always got the right thing to say at the right time.

[[TASF]Overkill]

Well, I can either offer the same generic "You're human, man. Things will get to you." feel good advice everyone else will give, or I could come back with some horrifically insensitive off-center joke about the whole thing...

Humor is my defense mechanism for all sorts of things... But in this case, I'll stay away from that...

So all I can really say is...

You're human, man. Things will get to you. You didn't make it happen, and you couldn't, maybe even shouldn't have, do anything about it. There's evil everywhere, but there's also good. You just have to make it your mission to fight back evil, and hold tightly to the good, so that it can flourish.

Use the event to reflect on the ways you are blessed in your life.

[packing_in_la]

Suicide is a selfish act. The person involved is trying to end pain, but all they do is spread it around. They have no reguard for the people that have to deal with the sceen, the family members, etc.

You didn't cause it, go home and hug a loved one.

[jednp]

I'm no LEO but I think one of the best things you can do is talk to people.. which is what you've done on here. My dad works for the railroad.. I doubt there are many guys who travel the road that haven't hit families and killed them, even killing people's pets. They are the ones who have to go back and check for survivors. It really messes them up. For years everyone kept things bottled up, then they formed a support group where all the guys come and share their stories and how they feel about it. Opening up to others is one of the best ways to deal with tragic situations, otherwise it eats you up inside. The way I see it is, don't be afraid to talk about it, cry about it.. whatever you feel, let it out. Wish I had some magic answer for you, but hope that helps.

[dirtyvicar]

The fact you're feeling this way means you're human, and you haven't become callous to the pain of others.

Hang in there.

[HulkXD]

Thanks, fellas. I just got home. I am now going to climb into bed with my beautiful new wife, and give her the biggest hug in the world, and if I wake her, that's ok...

Peace, and keep the encouragement coming. These investigations aren't over even when they're over. If you believe in God, pray for the family first, and if I happen to come to your mind, remember me too. Actually, odds are that if you are on this thread much, you either are a leo or are related to one or have close friends that are. That's good advice for all of us...

[retired]

Packing, in some cases you are right, but there are some suicides committed by people that are out of their control. Unfortunately, I handled quite a few suicides during my patrol years.

One of them concerned a gentleman who had been in the hospital for a medical problem (kidney, I think, it's been years). While in the hospital, he had an adverse reaction to some meds and tore out his IV. He ran down the hospital hallway screaming at everyone to leave due to the earthquake (all in his mind). The hospital let him go home a few days later (big mistake).

He went into his bathroom at one end of a large home while his wife was on the phone at the other end. He put a WWII pistol (Luger) to his temple and killed himself. That occurred in the early 80's and I can still recall every minute of it as it was my first one and it was grisly.

The hospital screwed up as he was still hallucinating.

Hulk, unfortunately, you will have more if you stay on the job and you probably will recall each one, just like you will remember the cpr you performed on each child. It's part of the job.

Seek out some of those on the force who have handled suicides and ask for their advice. You will know which ones to talk to; the ones who will listen and help, not act macho about it. You can talk to the dept. psych, but you probably know where that might lead and how it can affect your career.

You have to decide how much of the job to bring home, as it can affect your relationship with your family. Some wives want you to share and some don't. You will have to work that out. During the almost 3 decades I was on, I knew I could share with my wife. It certainly helped me deal with some of the bad things that you see and deal with in le.

Good luck. And if you want to pm me, I'm willing to "listen."

[FFDO #278]

Hulkxd

There are no words that can take away what that family and you are going through. It's just your turn.

Having said that, and knowing you value God in your life, know that things are just as they should be, for whatever reasons we cannot fathom.

More importantly, know that you are not alone.......

[jdavionic]

It's very unfortunate; but it happens and it happens for a variety of reasons. Once you get involved, there's really nothing you can do aside from simply doing your job. I try to walk away from experiences and learn from both the good & the bad. In this case, you saw first hand how devastating this was to the family. You also learned to appreciate the things that you have on this earth.

I can say these things because I experienced them myself at a relatively young age (9th grade). Initially I walked away from it being quite sad & bitter. Quickly though, I took a different view and, while I still don't understand my particular experience with it, I have a very positive outlook on life & am truly grateful for what I have.

[aiformula]

Having cleaned up a few db's in my couple years of working EMS/rescue support, and there really is nothing you can do to get it out of your mind. There are 3 incidents that will haunt me till the day I die, and every time I think of them, I feel a little sick to my stomach. I got lucky that while I was there for many more thann that, only 3 really affected me.

You get through it the same way you get through any other rough patch in life. What works for you may not work for me and vice versa. Talking/writing about it does help to a degree because it dulls your senses to it over time. I used to keep a journal, and have been thinking of picking up that practice again. It helps me to sort through my thoughts in bad times. For you prayer may work, but being agnostic, I have a hard time believing it does. It is only through interaction with others that we can suffer the bull**** humans bring down upon themselves and others. I wish you luck in finding whatever it is that grounds you and keeps you sane with your chosen profession. I know I couldn't do it. I'd eventually become the world's biggest non caring asshole, or I'd end up losing it one day and a prisoner wouldn't make it back to the station.