Luckily I Live in Ky. if I DIDNT have a gun people would be asking my wife "is he ok? lol.. joking,but mostly true. I feel you on the whole wife doesnt like it part, granted mine isnt agasint ownership, she had just never "been around them" other than seeing them in her dad's gun cabinet. If your wife is SO worried, ease her mind and agree to take a firearms class for new owners, treat it as something your not doing to "shut her up" but show her HOW much you respect her feelings towards the mater, and you are doing it to be the most responsible owner you can be. Here is what happened in my case. Not saying this will work for you, but its at least info on other women shooting with their husbands. Here is the key. Find a friend of yours that has a girlfriend/wife to take along to the range with you guys, and go as a group. If there is another girl there it seems to "ease the stress " of being at a gun range. As its someone new like her that she can relate to in the situation. Even if the other girl isnt new, this would help comfort her.
Anyway I took her to the range after carefully explaining the recoil factor, and it WILL be loud and scary your first time shooting. After a few weeks of explaining the basics of safety, letting her handle it herself... and this is IMPORTANT...at HER own pace. Encourage her to ask questions, and help her understand its not "evil". Made sure to have her check the gun for a loaded chamber etc, even though it had no mag in it. So once she was comfortable, we went with some friends and their wives to the range. Most of the girls werent "into" shooting as we were, but were willing to try for themselves. My wife's first shot brought tears to her eyes, becasue it did in fact scare her. I told her to relax, we talked about this and if you're finished, then so be it. I wouldnt press the matter.
She eventually agreed to fire it again.. fast forward a few months and we are all regulars at our local range EVERY friday night( ladies shoot free). So much in fact she is looking into her own gun, when before 200 was her "max" but now that she likes shooting.. ehh.. $500 isnt TOO much LOL. And I hope she DOES get her own, granted we take my AR, and a few pistols, but 75% of the time its us guys standing and talking while our wives are the ones shooting, and having a good time. But hey, it got them ALL into the sport, and actually enjoying it. Now to get her to get her own range bag.. mine is more like a extention of her purse.. just gun range related now, and full of pink saftey glasses, ear protection etc. lol. Good luck.
Some people argue against a 9mm. Oddly enough, I haven't found a single person so far who is SO unimpressed with the stopping power of a 9mm, that he is willing to stand downrange and catch one fired out of my XDM.