You are asking two questions that depend so much on situational variables that a specific answer can't be given. The best bet is to Google some ballistics tests from several sites and do some comparison. You will soon find the top 3-4 places filled by the same ammo, over and over. The next thing you need to do is make SURE the ammo you choose is 100% reliable in your gun. I never load an ammo for carry that I haven't shot AT LEAST 200 times through that weapon. Yes, that's expensive, but a jam in a gunfight might be deadly. I'd rather pay the bucks to a gun shop than to a funeral home.
All that being said, I've done some extensive research and in my carry caliber, 9mm, I like the Speer Gold Dot 124 gr. - either the Short Barrel or the standard, and Corbon's DPX 115 gr. Both are 100% reliable in my gun, shoot to POA, and have some great ballistics with almost 100% expansion.